Tag Archives: What is a parent to do.

STRESSED? GOOD!

Stress proves you are a parent.  If you aren’t stressed as a parent, something is wrong.  Well, maybe if you are very rich or a celebrity parent, you aren’t stressed about parenting.  I suspect, however, even those get stressed.

And you thought it would be easy and all those people telling you how to be a parent also make it seem easy.  Moreover, some of them aren’t even hands-on parents.  Don’t be too harsh on them.  Remember, before you became a parent, you thought you knew the difficulties and you absolutely knew  how to do it right. You were not going to make the mistakes your parents made, not you. Ha! Delusions of grandure.

After you become a parent, you learned to forgive your parents and hoped they forgave you.

After you became a parent, you became buddy-buddy with stress.

Fact: You cannot parent without stress.

This post was sparked by Leo Babauta, the father of six, and his willingness to be both upfront about the stress that children bring to our world as well as able to offer some useful tips. Here is his post:

The way of the peaceful parent

We agree on much and his tips are useful. So read the article.

WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?

Tip one: Stress less about stress.  The researchers know stress is not bad.  In fact, a certain amount of stress is good.  What is not good is overwhelming stress.

Tip two: A little know fact: a child’s whining, crying, tugging at you, nagging you and getting mad at you is intended by nature to make you pay attention.  A baby’s cries elevates your blood pressure and can actually make your body hairs stand up—both strong clues that signal something bad is happening and you have to pay attention.  Good signals when baby needs to be fed, not so good when growing child wants to play with grandmother’s antique vase.

Tip three: When you are enforcing rules that keep your child safe, keep others from being hurt, or keep property from being destroyed, you are being a good parent. Remember that. Find a song or a slogan that counters stress.

Tip four: Take me-time. Put yourself in time out for ten minutes. Remember to nap when baby naps, impose a quiet hour at least once a day, twice is even better. Quiet hour is useful when naps no longer work.  Our youngest son needed little sleep and gave up naps early.  His room was safety proof and the rule was, play quietly during what was once nap time.

The general rule: Everyone had to find a quiet activity away from others: read play solitare, build legos, do homework, just don’t bother anyone else.  Not easy to impose but saved my marriage and our sanity when we had a house full of teens.  Quiet time then was from 10:00 P.M. on.  You had to be ready for bed, and in your room.  If the house caught on fire, you could come out, but otherwise it was ‘see you in the morning’.

Tip five: Get very good at amends.  An amends is making up.  Learning to say “I’m sorry” when you are wrong is an amends.  Asking, “What can I do to make up for my bad mood?” is an amends.  Having a cup of soothing tea after a hard day is making an amends to yourself. Having a date night is an amends, so is a night out with friends.  Make such amends planned events. Once a month may be all you can manage, but don’t let a month go by without giving your self a special treat.

Leo ends his article with this worth remembering and worth repeating quote:

You know the only people who are always sure about the proper way to raise children? Those who’ve never had any. 

Bill Cosby

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Be kind to  me,  like this post, comment or  share.  You will be helping me stay strong and maybe others as well.  Click here for my free Ebook: The 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Training Exercises.
IMAGE BY CARTOON STOCK.COM

TAKE A BREAK

WHY THIS: Week end is coming and that means for most people spend, spend, spend.  I am not against spending.  I even approve of the following money suckers.  Its those with money who supply jobs for many without out. At the same time,  I do think a day away from spending any money helps us think about what matters, forces us to be a bit more creative when it comes to planning time with our kids as well as serving as role models for all of the above,

Overindulge Much? | Top 10 Conspicuously Expensive Purchases | Moneyland | TIME.com.

WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?

Tip one: Just do it.  Declare a not spending money day.  Too much to ask, then make it an in-home family game night. One of my fondest memories is learning to play card games with my father every once in a while.

Tip two: Do a bit more.  Once you get The No Money evenings going, do a whole day once a month. Then do one every two weeks, then once a week.  Get the kids involved in planning that day.  It wouldn’t be cheating to walk to the library and take out some DVD’s.

Tip three: Practice what you preach. As always if you want the kids to do something, you have to model it.  So pick a day you spend no money and brag about it.

As always with the week-end coming plan Family and Friend time, Me-time, and Silent-time.

A PARTING QUOTE FOR THINKING ABOUT

Time is more valuable than money. You can get more money, but you cannot get more time.
                                                                                                                                                                        Jim Rohn

AS ALWAYS, PRACTICE KINDNESS

Be kind to me,  like this post or share it.  You will be helping me stay strong and maybe some others as well.  You will also be practicing one of the 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Exercises.  Click here to view all Daily Emotional Fitness  Exercises.If  regular practice of the 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Exercises does not improve the quality of your life, more might be needed.  That is the time to think about therapy.

Good luck, life is a struggle, caring for children harder than you expect AND despite the struggle, life as a parent is also wonderful.  

Katherine 

Image: Time.come

RESEARCH NEWS

WHY THIS:  Too much parenting advice fails to mention two important factors.Temperament, and  Age and Stage.

This reasearch article is helpful for understanding teens from both points.

Differences in Teens’ Coping Styles Affect Social Behaviors | Psych Central News.

WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?

Helpful quotes from the article:

Sometimes we get stuck dealing with stress in one way because it was successful in the past; that coping style may not be effective with other stressors and in other situations….There is more than one way to cope in situations, and people need to know when to apply which coping mechanisms.

Tip one: Use your search engine to improve your knowledge of age and stage, same for temperament styles.

Tip two: One thing not mentioned in the article is what the experts call goodness of fit.  How your teen’s temperament style fits with yours.

Tip three: Start early teaching different coping skills.

Tip four: “If it isn’t working, fix it.” I use a three outs strategy to figure out when what I am doing isn’t working and then set out seeking different solutions and testing them.

Tip five: Work on your ability to stay calm, practice self-soothing.

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Be kind to  me,  like this post, comment or  share.  You will be helping me stay strong and maybe  others as well.   Click here for my free Ebook: The 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Training Exercises. These exercises are easy to do, you probablly do many already, adding one or two others will improve the quality of your life.

Stay strong, I’m working at it.

Katherine

IMAGE BY www.lebinhtam.wordpress.com

HOW TO RELAX MORE AS A PARENT


ABOUT THIS: I wanted to jump up and down with glee when I read this article.  So I am sending it to you as a Tuesday Short Special.

Rhiana Maidenberg: Easy Doesnt Mean Bad

Please read this whether you are a laid back, super-marine parent, or invested in perfection.  Life can be better for you and your kids.

WHAT IS A PARENT TO DO?:  Three tips

Tip one: Recognize your style, practice good enough parenting.  Rhiana did just that and it worked for her and her kids.

Tip two: Don’t go to an extreme with any style.

Tip three: Don’t think your way is the only way.

PRACTICE KINDNESS: Be kind to  me,  like this post, comment or  share.  You will be helping me stay strong and maybe others as well.   Click here for my free Ebook: The 12 Daily Emotional Fitness Training Exercises.

Stay strong, I am working at it right now.

Katherine

IMAGE BY: strang@cosmos.com