Tag Archives: tips on parenting

Teens: Love, lust, and abuse

Lust or love?  Nature pushes the mating call button early on and lust predominates.   Parents worry and with reason.

The loves of youth, cannot remember her name.

PARENTING A TEEN?

Remembering the intensity of your  first crushes should help you deal better with the crushes of your  teens and pre-teens.  My first true love lasted for three years.  We were stuck on each other like crazy glue for the first two years and planned to marry.

My parents wisely did not try to break us up, but asked that  the wedding  wait until I had gone to college for two years.  He was not college bound and instead joined the army, was stationed in Germany and there met another forever love.

I wept and wept, but soon was dating and thought a few were potential ever-lasting loves.  A few lasted for a few years, but eventually ended. While  my college friends got married the year we graduated, I didn’t marry until in my thirties, but it has been an ever-lasting love.

Which leads me to the best advice I can give parents worried about teens in love.  Do not try to break them up.  Will not work.

The  exception? Abuse and that includes statutory rape.  If a child in your care is being abused, as a parent you are considered responsible for the abuse.  The younger the child, the more you are in danger of being called to task by your local child welfare authorities.

My advice? Learn the laws, particularly those related to statutory rape. If you have any doubt regarding your child seek advice from  a lawyer.

Not ready to do that? Fork out $0.99 for my eBook When Good Kids Have Sex. Cheaper than most cups of coffee and a lot more useful.

STAY STRONG

Parents have it much harder these days when dealing with teens in general and particularly teens who might be or become sexually active.  Blame the media, but learn to keep your cool.

EFTI’s Twelve Daily Emotional Fitness Exercises  keep you strong  when hurt, anger, or fear visit.  Here’s is a link to a  free EFTI poster coach reminding you of ways to practice those exercises.

daily twelve

Today’s post  was prompted by Valentine’s Day and  this Word Press Daily Prompt: It’s Friday, I’m in Love

As always thank you for all you do to support EFTI’s efforts to help others stay strong. Kindness is karma and comes back to bless you.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

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The Importance of Mission

parenting advice

You have goals for your children, for yourself, and for your family. Good for you. But not enough. Goals are about what you want, where you want to go. So more important questions  are:

  1. Do you have a personal mission?
  2. Do you have a family mission?
  3. Are you help your children develop personal missions?

Missions are about how you want to be as a person as you take your life’s journey. Having a thought about and defined mission gives focus to your life, makes decision making easier and wiser.

Missions are created by thinking about what matters. What the sages  and what those who study such things think is that the healthiest missions  are built on a foundation of kindness, caring, and sharing.

Which leads to this blog post’s Poster Coach.  Remember What Matters:

wmsell

For a free digital download of this poster go to the EFTIstore.

When you are teaching your children to be kind, you are also teaching them to be #emotionally intelligent.

STAYING STRONG

Parenting is hard work and the results not always clear immediately, practice patience is a must and that means patience with yourself as well as with others.

Be grateful for what you have been given, forgive yourself and others for failing to be perfect. No one is. Continue to practice kindness and your efforts  bring forward a more just world for all. You make a difference.

Most EFTI  posters posted on my blog can be obtained at the EFTI Store  Many are free.  Poster Coaches are printed up in color on letter size card stock and used to inspire, teach, remind you to practice #emotional_fitness exercises.

This blog post was inspired by this Word Perfect Daily Prompt.  Obstacle Course: Think about what you wanted to accomplish last week. Did you? What are the things that hold you back from doing everything you’d like to do?

Thank you for all you do and as always stay strong.

Katherine

ARTICLES OF INTEREST

Rob's Surf Report

Mission

Surfing wild, headlong
on life’s wave to unknown ends —
seeking bits of zen.

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THE LIARS CLUB – WE ALL BELONG

#Parents take heed, this Word Press Prompt Truth or dare prompt asks  if honesty always the best policy? My answer? Almost always.

IMAGE FROM: Marie Lamba’s blog

Lying is a fact of life.  Kids learn to lie long before reaching their teens. Moreover, almost all teens belong to the Liars Club. Most likely so do you, certainly the majority of advertisers, most other people trying to sell something, the media, and 99.9% of all politicians lie.

Here is a quote by Teddy Roosevelt, one of our better thought of Presidents,  proving my point. “Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”

I hate lies, but know even just by keeping quiet about some things I lie lots. Moreover, there are kind lies, honorable lies, mean lies, and cruel lies.  When I lie it is usually to protect someone else’s feelings. Nevertheless, I hate lies and try to avoid telling even the kinder ones. Is it really kind to tell someone a dress looks good when it does not?

However, the main problem with “make nice” lies is it makes lying a habit. Minimally, rather than lie, do what another generation of parents suggested: “If you can’t say something nice, don’t say anything at all.”

#PARENT_Advice ABOUT LYING

Lies are viruses which might do no harm sometimes, but also can spread like a cancer and destroy much that is good, particularly in relationships.

#PARENT_TIPS FOR TEACHING HONESTY

Tip one: Until children can read, they are not always clear on the difference between wishes and reality.  Don’t expect or worry about lies for the very young. If you know it is a lie, label it as imagination or a wish.

“You are wishing I won’t get angry that you broke a dish, so you said you didn’t do it. Not telling the truth is called lying.”

“You are imaging there is a monster under your bed, imagine chasing him away.”

These are the steps needed to lay the ground work for sorting out the real versus the not so real. You can also label cartoons, the puppets on most children’s shows as not real, but fun imaginings.

Tip two: Once you know your child can tell the difference between real and imaginary, make the importance of being honest the topic of a family meeting.

Don’t have family meetings? Start having them now.  Get a jump starts by reading my eBook How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting. Costs less than a fancy latte and is better for your family.  Meanwhile. end of that commercial and back to lie prevention.

Tip three: Remember as Mark Twain said, “There are lies, damned lies and statisics.”  Rating is an Emotional Fitness Exercise so you can focus on what matters.  Given the prevalence of lying, outlawing  lies won’t work. Better to teach the difference between white lies, harmful lies, and damned lies.

Tip four: Label  lies that you know are lies, including your own.

“I really don’t like Grandma’s hair that way, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings., so I told a white lie.”

“That is gossip, nasty mean gossip, and not true.  Kind people never tell nasty lies about others.”

Tip five:  When kids can read, so they can start figuring out true from fiction, use television shows you watch together as a ” Catch the Lie Game.”

Tip six:  Another commercial.  My eBook When Good Kids Lie is full of more information about how to handle lying. Really worried? Buy it now for 99 cents. Not so worried or a bit broke?  Get it free this this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

WGKLieFree

A PLEA FOR HELP: Help me share my knowledge. Like, comment, share, endorse, write a review if you buy or get one of my eBooks free. Reviews are particularly helpful. Here is a link a blow post I wrote about how to write reveiws.

Why I hope you will help:  My parent advice combines two streams of knowledge most other “experts” have not experienced.

The first: life as a foster parent housing youth in trouble with the law.  My husband and I offered short term care to nearly 400  while the courts decided their fates.  We were called a non-secure detention home.  Most of our kids were good kids, others were criminals – burglers, theives, rapists, an arsonist. Most of these eventually ended up in prison as adults.

The second.I am also a trained clinician and licensed therapist. For over ten years I directed the Visiting Nurse Service of New York’s mental health mobile crisis teams throughout the poverty ridden South Bronx. I trained New York City’s crisis teams as a consultant. I taught graduate level courses at the Columbia Universisty School of Social Work for over twenty years.

All of the above to say I combine  practical and clinical knowledge as no other parent adviser can or does.  I also know my advice is only true for some, some of the time.  You have to pick and choose from all advice, which is why I try to provide lots and lots of tips and choices.

STAY STRONG

Parents have two jobs: To teach right from wrong and to preserve a caring relationship with their child. Lying threatens important relationships.

As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope  the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER ONE: ADVICE IS ADVICE  and only works for some parents  some of the time.   Moreover, what works for one child in a family might not work for  another child in the same family.  You must experiment to find what works for you and yours.  Good luck.

DISCLAIMER TWO: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA.  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. Dysgraphia is a not well-known learning disability and means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are.  If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere.  If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.

THINK ABOUT YOUR MISSION

The weekend cometh and time to do a bit of thinking about what matters, particularly if you are a parent. It is not enough to want your child to be happy and that leads to my commercial. My newest eBook is now on Amazon’s Kindle.

Book cover for Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. An Emotional Fitness Program

Go for the Good, not the Gold. You just might get both. Buy here. Knowing your mission change your life. 

Living a passionate, personal mission wedded to the broader mission of spreading kindness is the only true path to the good life.  Moreover, it is path anyone can walk. Finally, your child will walk that path if you lead the way.

Parenting advice:

Tip one: Take a bit of this weekend’s Me-time and Quiet-time to think about your mission as a person and as a parent.  If you can sum both up in a few sentences and both align with kindness, good for you.  My book will help you refine your, but you are on your way.  If not, spend the $2.99 for the book. Less than a Starbuck’s Coffee, a Cold Stone Hot Fudge Sundae, or Dinner at MacDonald’s and a longer lasting value.

Tip two:  People, including parents have goals.  But having a goal is not setting a goal which is why goals do not always get me.  My books added value is a session on SMART Goals.  I don’t promise you will reach every SMART Goal you set, but I do promise you will increase the possibilities of setting goals that you and your children can reach.  One of my mottos is “If a goal was not met, the wrong goal was set.”  SMART goals increase the odds you will set right goals for you and your child.

STAYING STRONG

Knowing what matters works, missions are about what matter.  The Mission by which I mean, practicing kindness every where and anyway you can matters most.

All of you who read me, know I sell, but I try to avoid the hard sell. Not with this one.  You also know I hate the false promises of the happiness gurus.  However, I am hard selling this book.  I think it is more important than all my others. Moreover, I make these promises,  read this one, work your way through the exercises, learn to set SMART goals and you will live the good life and so will your children.

Care and share and thank you.

Katherine