Tag Archives: teenagers

SELF CARE-UNPLUG FOR A DAY


USE YOUR WEEKEND WISELY

Soon I will be signing off for the weekend. That is one way I stay strong.  I use the time to take care of me and mine.   I found this picture of a blogger’s post  talking about needing to do the same.  Click here to read that post,

 is an  honest blogger who admits to reading email in church at times.

I identify for as hard as I try there are times I can’t resist checking what’s waiting for me on my computer on my day of rest.  think some of you have realized that.  Giving into temptation raises its power, and I start relying and posting.   Guilty, but it is best when I stay strong and unplugged.  Usually, I manage all of Friday night and Saturday’s until late afternoon.  If David is here, his presence keeps me stronger.

Stay strong, I work at it every day, every hour and sometimes every minute.

Katherine

A QUESTION ON SEX

THE QUESTION

In the chapter about sex ( of ‘When Good Kids Do Bad Things‘) you speak positively that no matter what parents’ goals are when it comes to sexual activity, they are achievable. How can you be so positive about this sensitive topic?

THE ANSWER

Because I also said, doing so would be extremely hard.  Moreover, I am not certain any modern parent living in the West can do everything that needs doing to ensure their beloved son or daughter follow the parents desired path, particularly when nature has a different agenda. Interestingly enough, the more liberal your views, the more likely your child will deviate somewhat from your teachings.

Still parental views can be imposed and followed.  This is done in many  fundamentalist religious groups where chastity before marriage is a must. Moreover, those same groups have little open same sex love. Those attracted to the same sex, suffer to be sure, but given the conditions I discuss below, parental and cultural edicts are followed. Here are the strategies these groups employ.

  1. Clearly defined rules of what is accepted and what is not acceptable behavior.
  2. A surrounding culture, including leaders, preachers, teachers, friends, family members and media who abide by all the rules.
  3. Separation of the two sexes before marriage, coupled with careful chaperoning as marriage approaches. In some cultures, however, bride and groom only meet on their wedding day.
  4. Early marriages, often arranged.
  5.  Severe public punishment for those who violate the rules.

Not my way, probably not yours.  My way with my sons and my foster children was to promote responsible sex.  I discussed those ideas in an earlier blog post.

WHAT’S A PARENT TO DO?

As I have noted elsewhere on my blog, or in comments on other people’s blogs, as well as in the book, promote responsible sex.  By that I mean the following:

  1. Safe sex is planned sex. Getting swept away or sweeping someone off their feet is irresponsible sex, a cop out and the most over-used excuse for not staying in control of your emotions or your body. Lust pushes for immediate release; love can wait, love can plan. Lusty teenagers served nature’s purpose of keeping the population growing during the time when most people died before turning 3o and most babies died in infancy.  Nature hasn’t noticed yet that people are living longer and there are many worries about the world becoming over populated.
  2. Safe sex is mutually agreed upon by both parties. No lies, no false promises, no threats, no “If you love me” pushing.
  3. Safe sex does not produce babies that cannot be cared for.  If you are old enough to have sex, you are old enough to get reliable advice about contraception and protection from disease before you have sex. That is planning to have sex.
  4. If you believe in abstinence until you are married, you must take steps to keep temptation at bay.  Many leap into marriage to have sex. Doesn’t work out for many.

I also made it clear that I felt most teenagers were not ready to have intercourse.  Nature pushes them and the media pushes them, but I ran into very few, particularly girls, who were happy about being sexually active  in their teens. The younger the child, the more unhappiness seemed to attended “going all the way” as we called it when I was growing up.  In my day heavy petting was okay and that often taught us about foreplay and the pleasures of foreplay.  I worry now about what I hear happens among some groups of teens.

Sexual pleasures are a great gift; and the confusion and pulls from the extremists on either side make life very complicated for our young people.

That said, I think parents in general are doing a better job than ever in this area.  I know my mother’s idea of the sex talk was to give me a book she had been given.  It had been written before she got married. It was very technical but full of miss-information and after reading in it that masturbation was the main cause of insanity, I read no further.

So my hard core advice, know your goals, talk about sex early and without embassament or angst, but also with an awareness of age and stage; promote your values, pray to the higher power of your choice and stand by your child if he or she comes to you with problems.

SELF CARE

I love people who make me laugh. I honestly think it’s the thing I like most, to laugh. It cures a multitude of ills. 

                                                                                                              Audrey Hepburn

USE YOUR WEEKEND WISELY    Soon I will be signing off  all work for the weekend. That is one way I stay strong.  I use the time to take care of me and mine.   Do something inspiring, make time for laughter and play, some time for you alone.

PRACTICE KINDNESS:  Share this if you think another needs to be remind to take time to laugh and play.  Practicing kindness is a circle drawing all sorts of people into a better place.

Stay strong, I work at it every day, every hour and sometimes every minute.

Katherine

Image by Passionate Colors

SELF CARE

All need time and space to be alone.

In dealing with those who are undergoing great suffering, if you feel “burnout” setting in, if you feel demoralized and exhausted, it is best, for the sake of everyone, to withdraw and restore yourself. The point is to have a long-term perspective.

Dalai Lama

USE YOUR WEEKEND WISELY    Soon I will be signing off for the weekend. That is one way I stay strong.  I use the time to take care of me and mine.   Do something inspiring, have some  family fun time and plan some private self care time.

I picked the book because it resonates with me. Not just for women but for all. We need time and space to get away from worry and stress.

I picked the quote thinking of parents whose teens are good kids doing bad things. The kids suffer and those who love them suffer. Both need to do lots of good self care stuff. For  the parents that most often just getting away and doing something that makes you forget your worries about your child  if only for an hour.

PRACTICE KINDNESS:  My book When Good Kids Do Bad Things will be available for free on Kindle at Amazon on May 29, 30, and 31. If you know a parent struggling with a teen doing bad things share that news. I wrote the book, I have updated it, the book has been praised by others, and  I know the advice is parent friendly. Remember I’ve been in the trenches as well as the halls of Academia.

And yes, I am shamelessly promoting my book. Forgive me if that offends you, I don’t like hard sells, but I would like the knowledge in the book shared more broadly, so I am working at promotion. I am told it is the only way to get people to try and perhaps eventually some will buy.

Stay strong, I work at it every day, every hour and sometimes every minute.

Katherine