Tag Archives: talking about sex with your teenager

IS YOUR TEEN IN LOVE? ARE YOU TERRIFIED?

Is your teen finding love in all the wrong places? Or so you think?

Used in a blog post about young love

IMAGE BY FLICKRIVER.COM  My all time favorite Romantic Film. Young love in all its innocence and power. A cautionary tale for all parents.

Whether right or wrong, this time the ball is in your court, and the wisest among you will keep your doubts close to your heart and work to love who your teen loves, even if you feel sure they’re not right for each other.

I count myself many times blessed that my parents let me love my first love, and  let me think they loved him as I did. In actual fact they didn’t; my parents lived in fear we would marry.

My parents eloped and I wonder now if their wise handling of my boyfriend  came from that experience. Perhaps my mother’s parents tried too hard to separate them.  My father was an orphan, a lowly news-reporter; she was a member of the town’s aristocracy, her father a judge.

My parent’s marriage was the only one of her generation to endure. They were  happier than most, although it was always clear my father had the greater love.

I would not have been so happy with my first love. I know that now but there was no telling me back then.  My parents asked me to do two years of college before announcing an engagement.  My first love joined the Army and was sent to see the world.  After a year, he wrote a Dear Jane letter. I wept, but survived, older and wiser. It would be ten years until I married, but a man much more suited to me and my needs.

PARENT ADVICE WHEN A TEEN LOVES IN ALL THE WRONG PLACES

Tip one: It is truly out of you hands and I have already given the best advice I can. Learn to love the one your teen loves. Any arguments against your teen’s loved one will plant the roots of the relationship in cement.

Tip two: Try to see the needs being met. Good girls are known to have fantasies of reforming bad boys.  I felt strongly I was the only one who saw my first love’s good qualities. I understood him and no one else did.  Such feelings create  a powerful attraction and strong bond.  He greatly appreciated being loved by a good girl.

It is less clear that bad boys want to have their better beings cared about and nurtured, but that is a part of the Beauty and the Beast story.

http://theconcordian.org/wp-content/uploads/2012/01/Beauty_and_the_Beast.jpeg

Beauty and the Beast as a film, holds many teachable moments about good girls and bad boys.  IMAGE BY The Concordian Org.

A quick leap to a feminist read about Beauty and the Beast. This one is by a blogger who calls herself the Funny Feminist or Lady T.  She makes a good point about some bad boys hoping for love to help change them.  Not all bad boys, and that is a decided fact.

Tip Three: Don’t predict the future. You cannot, even learned weather men fail at that task.

Tip four: Hope for the best. Realizing, the future is unknown allows you to chose to have a bit of hope. The hope is not unrealistic. Sir Michael Rutter, one of Britain’s leading researchers into how we become who we are, reported that a good marriage was a major factor in moving away from abuse and a bad childhood. 

Tip five: Legitimate concern exists when sex, addiction, or abuse are part of your teen’s love triangle.  However, all the advice above holds. The problem is in your teen, not the loved one.

Do your best to see the loved one’s good qualities.  If you cannot keep your mouth shut, observe Gottman’s five to one rule: only allow yourself to show five positives for every one negative.

STAY STRONG

Life is a struggle, relationships hard, raising good kids in today’s world harder than ever. The media has become another parent and not always a useful one, particularly when it comes to teaching about relationships.  Still, wise parents, as a child slips into adolescence, will use the media as talking points and teachable moments.

Remember, if you like this post comment or  share. Your kindness matters a great deal to me. 

Katherine

MORE

For more reading on this topic, try my book ‘When Good Kids Hang Out With The Wrong Crowd‘. ‘When Good Kids Have Sex‘ might also be relevant.

READY FOR SEX? KNOW THE RULES? REVISED VERSION

A quick post, for all. This is a revision of my Ready for Sex Rules that I posted earlier in the week. For  more tips and specific advice read my E-book  When Good Kids Have Sex.

sEX RULESrevised

Thank you Facebook friend Glenda Boozer for discussing her view of the rules which lead to my revisions. Hope you approve Glenda.

Life is a struggle, relationships hard, raising good kids in today’s world harder than ever. The media has become another parent and not always a useful one.

Remember if you like this post comment or  share. Your kindness matters.

Katherine

DID I BURN MY BRA FOR NOTHING?!

A quick cranky post.

cranky

Not that some things didn’t change for the better. Fathers are not more involved in parenting; some cracks have formed in that glass ceiling.  But the need now for two income families, has burdened too many and for the wrong reason – corporate profits.

While I won’t burn more bras – the older one gets the more those slings are needed – I will crank on about the need to ease the burden on parents, particularly mothers, they still do most of the house work and too much of the child care.

Life is a struggle, relationships hard, raising good kids in today’s world harder.  Stay strong, practice the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises, and remember what matters – not more things,  but more time to be free, to be with family, to have me-time and quiet time

For lots of fun craft and parenting tips follow my Family Fun  and Fun  for One Pinterest Board.

Remember to share and care,

Katherine

READY FOR SEX? KNOW THE RULES?

A quick post, for all.  For  more tips and specific advice read my E-book  When Good Kids Have Sex

sEX RULES

Life is a struggle, relationships hard, raising good kids in today’s world harder.  Stay strong and caring.

Katherine