Tag Archives: Sex talk

SEX TALK: LAST FREE DAY

My books are my children and today I received a great Mother’s Day gift: a review of When Good Kids Have Sex.  You can download it to your computer using a kindle app.

 

THE REVIEW

When Good Kids Have Sex, by Katherine Gordy Levine, offers parents wise counsel about responsible sex, protection, and same-sex love. Being a parent to almost 400 foster kids, Levine knows what to say and how to say it. That alone makes Professor Levine a giant on this topic.

I’m impressed how easily Levine respects parents’ values and shares her own. The Levine Rule is something like, “You can give kids your advice but they’re in charge of their behavior.” In other words, your influence counts but their behavior counts more.

The stories of how she handled each teen’s problems are simple, honest, and enlightening.

If you read this book, you’ll get the information you need to discuss sex with your kids. Copy the advice she gives boys, as well as girls, and you’ll be wise in your approach too.

When Good Kids Have Sex should be read by parents who want to talk to their teens about sex but don’t know how.

Jean Tracy, MSS

If you know a parent struggling with a teen having sex, share this with them.  If you download it, be kind to me and review it.  Reviews nurture books.  Too scary or too much trouble?  A comment I can use on my endorsements page also helps.  

My USA friends: Have a Happy Mother’s Day.  All children honor your mother and father every day.  Parenting is a hard work and often unsung job.

For all you do, thank you.

Katherine

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.

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CREEPY DESIRES

An anonymous, sad, and true comment about what is too often missed in preparing children for the real world of sexuality.

Sick show and tell.

Sick show and tell.

As a young woman, I was better prepared for pregnancy and STD prevention than I was the years of low-grade sexual abuse I encountered.

Looking back, the stories seem endless: when a 7th grade boy cornered me in a stairwell at school, I pushed him away and pretended it didn’t happen.

In my 20s a man pinched my breast while crossing Fifth Avenue; I shouted at him but kept on walking.

In my 30s, a guy pulled over and masturbated as I raked leaves in my backyard. He drove away laughing; I didn’t even have the sense to get his license plate number.

Women rarely discuss these experiences, and they don’t teach their daughters to defend themselves from it. To date, the only cure is to turn 50 and “age out” of these creepy desires.

I think I have finally aged out, although just the other day I got a creep desire post from an anonymous young man.  Can add my own stories beginning at eight, and I never told my parents about the man with no pants.  Kids keep lots from parents.

I do remember getting help from one friend after hearing her tale about dealing with a flasher.

She reported looking at his private parts, and saying “I’d keep that hidden if I were you, it isn’t very impressive.”

I think she learned that at a woman’s self-defense group.

PARENTING TIPS

Both boys and girls need to know about “creepy desires.”  As I write this I realize I didn’t discuss that in my “When Good Kids Have Sex.” Shame on me. Will have to talk to my publisher about adding a section on that. One of the things I love about ePubishing: you can correct your mistakes.

Creepy desires conversations are important. Here are some quick tips.

Tip one: Link to staying safe and respectful rules.  This can start as young as seeing your toddler does not want Uncle Joe’s hugs and kisses.  That is not to say Uncle Joe is creepy, but your toddler needs to be protected from unwanted hugs. Be kind to Uncle Joe, but kinder to your toddler.  I always ask if I can have a hug or a kiss. I also always accept a child’s “No.”

Tip two:  When starting to teach privacy manners, add that grownups don’t always respect a child’s privacy but that does not mean the grown ups are behaving themselves.  Give some little examples – walking into bedrooms without knocking, leaving the bathroom door open.

Tip Three:  Have a more serious and formal talk about creepy behaviors when you child heads off to first grade. The most thoughtful  approach is to define creepy as pushing your desires on someone who doesn’t want them.  Advise your child to say “No, leave me alone” loudly.  Practice with them.

Tip Four: The older your child, the more directly you can talk about this.  I hope you have family meetings; creepy sexual behaviors are a great topic. Mom and Dad can share when someone creeped them out.

If you do not hold family meetings start.  They are a useful tool for discussing some issues. What if it is just you and one child in your family?  You still can hold family meetings and should. The trick is to use hold formal meetings to take care of family business. One can also label other talks as a family business meeting.  You would do this when requests arise for rule changes or disciplinary issues that cannot be postponed for a regularly scheduled formal meeting. 

And yes, here comes a commercial:  My How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting is available as an eBook or a hold in your hand book.  It is being offered at my usual “Less-than-a-latte” price.

Finally, I noticed no one has posted a review.  Moreover, it is a book I think all will find helpful; family meetings are a great way to reduce stress, build bonding, and take care of business.  So if you buy it, please review it. At least comment on one of my posts about it and if you found it helpful.

End of commercial.

Parents Are People Too News

One: My eBook When Good Kids Have Sex will be free until .  See the sidebar.

Two: The Parents Are People Newsletter first edition will be published next week. Sign up here or on the sidebar.

Three: I am learning to use Google Hangouts.  Why? I miss the contact with people that came from teaching,  running workshops, and being involved with parents.  Soooo, once I have mastered how to hangout, I will issue some invitations to join me. Let me know if you are interested in participating.

I hope to also master making some short You tube videos from the hangouts.  You do not have to be on the video nor show your picture, so if you don’t want to be on  identified on the tape TV, you can control that. Old ladies can learn new tricks.

A laugh fot the other grandmothers out there. At least it made me hoot. And at least he was asking for it.

A JOKE AT LEAST I hooted at this one. Hope I am not violating a copy right, but know most of the grandmothers reading this will laugh.

Granny flasher.

At least he was asking for it.

As always share and care, take care of you so you can care take care of others, make plans to have me-time and quiet time. Finally, thank you for all you do to support my efforts.

Katherine

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.

A READ FOR MOTHERS

Pointing you to an eBook mothers will resonate with, but all should read. Parenting is hard work, and mothers are still the primary caretakers.

Book cover Short Stores on Motherhood

“A mother fights selfishly with her daughter’s lover, watching the curry stain on her lip quiver with rage … A woman returns to the lake where memories of her childhood create a vivid contrast to the present … A woman, alone aside from her cat, watches the shadows ripple across floorboards as labor contractions build … A totem tennis pole becomes the final stand for a housewife … A train trip provides a powerful opportunity for a different life.”

A great many parents, particularly mothers have no idea what they are getting into until baby arrives.  Each age and stage presents challenges and no mother or father  does it right; 99.9% do it good-enough.

EMOTIONAL FITNESS TIPS

Tip one: Keep your expectations realistic.

Tip two: Remember all is change, what is hard now will be easy in time, but new hardships will arise as will new pleasures

Tip three: Build an Added Care Team.

Tip four: Build good memories – laugh and play with your kids as often as you can.

Tip five: Practice self-soothing.  Here is an easy Emotional Fitness Exercise that builds calm.

Tip six: Plan me-time dates and keep them.

 STAY STRONG

The need for two working parents, our work-holic life styles, the constant buy messages, combined with the mandate to be happy, erodes the joy of parenting. Resist those siren calls: Remember What Matters.

If you like my efforts to share knowledge, subscribe to my Emotional Fitness Training newsletter.  See the sidebar.  If you think my words might help another, particularly a parent of a teen, share. Sharing in caring.

Finally for all you do to support me and to bring kindness to our world, thank you.

Katherine

FREE BOOK

If you are parenting a teen,  take advantage of the free offer of my eBook When Good Kids Have Sex.  You do not need a kindle to read it, you can use’s Amazon Kindle app to download it to your computer or cell phone.

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.

A BIRDS AND BEE JOKE

A Birds and Bees Joke and then a reminder my When Good Kids Have Sex is free for five days starting May 8th.

Birds and Bees Joke

Obviously Johnny’s sex hormones are not activated. When that happens, the last thing Johnny will want to think about is parents having sex.

Read books on your computer or other mobile devices with A FREE Kindle Reading Apps.

As always share and care, take care of you so you can care take care of others, and thank you for all you do to support my efforts.

Katherine

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.