Tag Archives: Running away

LONG WEEKEND LAUGH

For those of you who are recovering from a long weekend, I suspect there were times the thought behind this poster rang a bell and for some, getting back to work outside the home seems a blessing.

Funny parenting poster

Hope the laugh helped. For more laughs I suggest you follow Jay Solomon, the originator of the poster, or at least his blog is where I found it. He has a South Park sense of humor, so if that is not your thing, you are going to miss some good laughs and something to think about.  As my mother would say, “To Each Their Own.”

PARENTING TIPs

Tip one:  Instead of locking the kids up, I locked myself in the bathroom. Had to turn the radio up loud to dull the protests; headphones helped.

One dear friend had children who had afternoon colic spells that nothing calmed. Finally, she learned to put him safely in his crib, and take to her garden with a book and a Walkman.  Of course she kept the window open to his room and occasionally lifted her earphones to assure herself by his crying he was still alive. When the crying stopped she would return to the house peek in on him — he would be napping.  Then she would take her nap and both would wake refreshed. 

Tip two: If your kids are aging out of naps, start a daily quiet time.  The command: “To your room, to rest, read, play quietly.  Do not emerge (unless the fire alarm rings, you are bleeding, or your sibling (if you share a room) has been knocked unconscious) until a parent opens your door.”  

Tip Three: Not too late to start something similar with pre-teens and teens.  Just say, “My quiet time, you know the house rules, obey them.  You know my quiet time rules – disturb me on the pain of death unless death is threatening you or another.”

Tip four:  Quiet time is best used as me-time for parents.  If you must work at something, make it something you will enjoy, otherwise indulge in a do nothing or do only for me respite.  I nap, read, or do puzzles.

Stay Strong

Love Jay’s poster, but parenting isn’t easy. Nor is finding the me-time that keeps you safe.  Making the effort matters and makes you able to soldier on through the difficult times without doing major damage to you or others.

I hope you took advantage of my free eBook Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises to Tame Mad, Bad, and Sad feelings this weekend; if so and if you found it helpful, spread the word about it and my other books.   See the side bar.  All can be read on a Kindle or a computer using Amazon’s free reading apps

GOOD NEWS: My eBook ‘When Good Kids Hang Out With The Wrong Crowd‘ will be a free download on Amazon from Saturday June 1st to midnight Wednesday June 5th. The free download can be read on computers, laptops and other devices using Amazon’s free reading tools. If you do download it, consider posting a review; I’d really appreciate it.

For all you do, thank you to help me and others, thank you.

Katherine

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.

FREE EBOOK REMINDER

A reminder, this week is about when Good Kids Run Away. Many do and most return home safely, sadly some do not.

freeonkindlewgkru

It can be read on a Kindle or a computer using Amazon’s free reading apps. This book is based on a chapter from my  book ‘When Good Kids Do Bad Things – A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers‘.

Also suggest you check out this post  Missing Children:Alive or Captivfor more information about kids who run away.  

STAY STRONG

If you a dealing with a child who has run, my heart is with you.  Remember you must take extra care of your own needs.  You will need to be strong when the child returns.

If you know someone who might be helped by this post, please share it.

For all you do, thank you.

Katherine

 

MISSING CHILDREN: SAFE OR CAPTIVE

The Cleveland Ohio kidnappings brought a chill to my heart, even though my kids are grown. More kids run away than are kidnapped. Nevertheless, this blog post should be read by all those caring for a teenager.

Missing child poster

Bella was found safe and sound. Image from  www.examiner.com  Like most good kids she was trying to make a point about what she wanted and her parents did not. 

Many of the foster children David and I cared for had run away before coming to live with us. We were a temporary home while the courts decided the child’s fate. Living peacefully with us was the best strategy for convincing a judge or probation officier to decide where to send you when it came time to leave our care.  Follow our rules and you might return home or go to a group home.  Break our rules, run away and you might end up in a locked facility.

Not all teens living with us used living with us to their advantage. For some of our kids, for one reason or another, running had become an ingrained habit. Some of those eventually fell prey to using sex as a survival tool, and I am not just talking about the girls.

These facts might interest you. I found them on the  National Runaway Safeline.

           Reasons for running away

  1. 47% of runaway / homeless youth indicated that conflict between them and their parent or guardian was a major problem. 
  2. Over 50% of youth in shelters and on the streets reported that their parents either told them to leave or knew they were leaving but did not care. 
  3. 80% of runaway and homeless girls reported having ever been sexually or physically abused. 34% of runaway youth (girls and boys) reported sexual abuse before leaving home and forty-three percent of runaway youth (girls and boys) reported physical abuse before leaving home. 
  4. Childhood abuse increases youths’ risk for later victimization on the street. Physical abuse is associated with elevated risk of assaults for runaway and homeless youth, while sexual abuse is associated with higher risk of rape for runaway and homeless youth. 

Please note, these were compiled mostly from statistics about youth using runaway shelters and crisis lines.  I would classify those as  troubled kids. Here is my short list of why kids ran away from us.

  1. Running to  a love partner
  2. Running to be with friends
  3. Running to go to a forbidden event
  4. Running to party
  5. Running to get high
  6. Running to avoid responsibility
  7. Running to avoid shame
  8. Running to prove one’s self which often went with thumbing your nose with authority
  9. Running to avoid conflict within home – parents or siblings
  10. Running to because of secrets
  11. Running as a way to control anger or sadness

PARENT TIPS ABOUT KIDS WHO RUNAWAY

Tip one: If a kid is picking a fight or running out of the house, cursing you so the neighbors will hear  – a prime Gotcha War Tactic;  yell to her departing back “Come home when you have calmed down.”  Makes you the good guy in your neighbors eyes, but mostly gives the kid a face-saving way to come home.

Tip two:    For curfew violations, wait the night out.  Greet your child with the words, “I am relieved you are safe Are you hungry, tired, want a shower and change of clothes?” Whichever the child opts for say “Fine, we will talk later about how to keep this from happening again. I need my sleep.”  Try for an attitude of resigned patience and gentle humor.

Tip three:   If you cannot follow tip two, just say through your gritted teeth: “Although I am happy you are back and safe, I am too grumpy from loss of sleep to talk.  I suggest you wait in your room until I no longer feel like snapping at you. I love you but for now leave me alone.”

The above is the best way to handle a first run. For more advice my eBook. The eBook ‘When Good Kids Run Away‘ is free for five days this week from Wednesday 15th to Sunday 19th May. Can’t wait? It is available right now for less than a latte.

It can be read on a Kindle or a computer using Amazon’s free reading apps. This book is based on a chapter from my  book ‘When Good Kids Do Bad Things – A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers‘.

STAY STRONG

Parenting is hard work and contending with a good child who runs or engages in other difficult behaviors can break your heart. Hopefully, the above tips and resources will help you and your child survive the hard times.  Practicing any of my Daily Easy Exercises alone or with your family strengthens your ability to do not just thrive, but build good memories.  Start by learning my With Beauty Easy Emotional Fitness Exercise. 

For all you do, thank you.

Katherine

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.