Tag Archives: quotes

LIES: GOOD, BAD, OR UGLY

Honesty is usually the best policy, but not always and is sometimes used as a weapon. More parenting advice about lying.

Quotes about honesty

White lies are kind, but can lead you to being colored blind to all lies. Honesty delivered kindly and with loving intent is best.

PARENT ADVICE

Teaching children to be honest and kind is tricky.  The best way is to work toward that goal yourself.  For more tips, see yesterdays’ blog or get my When Good Kids Lie.  Buy it now or wait to get it free this week end.

WGKLieFree

Help me share my knowledge. Like, comment, share, endorse, write a review if you buy or get one of my eBooks free. Reviews are particularly helpful. Here is a link too a post I wrote about how to write reviews. But even a comment would help as I can use it as an endorsement.

STAY STRONG

As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope  the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER ONE: ADVICE IS ADVICE  and only works for some parents  some of the time.   Moreover, what works for one child in a family might not work for  another child in the same family.  You must experiment to find what works for you and yours.  Good luck.

DISCLAIMER TWO: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA.  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. Dysgraphia is a not well known learning disability and means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are.  If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere.  If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.

THE LIARS CLUB – WE ALL BELONG

Lying is a fact of life.  All teens belong to the Liars Club. Most likely so do you, certainly the majority of advertisers, most other people trying to sell something, the media, and 99.9% of all politicians lie.

IMAGE FROM: Marie Lamba’s blog

Here is a quote by Teddy Roosevelt, one of our better thought of Presidents,  proving my point. “Whenever you are asked if you can do a job, tell ’em, ‘Certainly I can!’ Then get busy and find out how to do it.”

I hate lies, but know even just by keeping quiet about some things I lie lots. Moreover, there are kind lies, honorable lies, mean lies, and cruel lies.  When I lie it is usually to protect someone else’s feelings. Nevertheless, I hate lies and try to avoid telling even the kinder ones. Is it really kind to tell someone a dress looks good when it does not?

PARENTING THOUGHTS ABOUT LYING

Lies are viruses which might do no harm sometimes, but also can spread like a cancer and destroy much that is good, particularly relationships.

PARENTING TIPS FOR TEACHING HONESTY

Tip one: Until children can read, they are not always clear on the difference between wishes and reality.  Don’t expect or worry about lies for the very young. If you know it is a lie, label it as imagination or a wish.

“You are wishing I won’t get angry that you broke a dish.”

“You are imaging there is a monster under your bed, imagine chasing him away.”

These are the steps needed to lay the ground work for sorting out the real versus the not so real. You can also label cartoons, the puppets on most children’s shows as not real, but fun imaginings.

Tip two: Once you know your child can tell the difference between real and imaginary, make the importance of being honest the topic of a family meeting.

Don’t have family meetings? Start having them now.  Get a jump starts by reading my eBook How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting. Costs less than a fancy latte and is better for your family.  Meanwhile. end of that commercial and back to lie prevention.

Tip three: Remember as Mark Twain said, “There are lies, damned lies and statisics.”  Rating is an Emotional Fitness Exercise so you can focus on what matters.  Given the prevalence of lying, outlawing  lies won’t work. Better to teach the difference between white lies, harmful lies, and damned lies.

Tip four: Label and rate lies that you know are lies, including your own.

“I really don’t like Grandma’s hair that way, but I didn’t want to hurt her feelings., so I told a white lie.”

“That is gossip, nasty mean gossip, kind people never tell nasty lies about others.”

Tip five:  When kids can read, so they can start figuring out true from fiction, use television shows you watch together as a ” Catch the Lie Game”

Tip six:  Another commercial.  My eBook When Good Kids Lie is full of more information about how to handle lying. Really worried? Buy it now for 99 cents. Not so worried or a bit broke?  Get it free this this Friday, Saturday, and Sunday.

WGKLieFree

A PLEA FOR HELP: Help me share my knowledge. Like, comment, share, endorse, write a review if you buy or get one of my eBooks free. Reviews are particularly helpful. Here is a link a blow post I wrote about how to write reveiws.

Why I hope you will help:  My parent advice combines two streams of knowledge most other “experts” have not experienced.

The first: life as a foster parent housing youth in trouble with the law.  My husband and I offered short term care to nearly 400  while the courts decided their fates.  We were called a non-secure detention home.  Most of our kids were good kids, others were criminals – burglers, theives, rapists, an arsonist. Most of these eventually ended up in prison as adults.

The second.I am also a trained clinician and licensed therapist. For over ten years I directed the Visiting Nurse Service of New York’s mental health mobile crisis teams throughout the poverty ridden South Bronx. I trained New York City’s crisis teams as a consultant. I taught graduate level courses at the Columbia Universisty School of Social Work for over twenty years.

All of the above to say I combine  practical and clinical knowledge as no other parent adviser can or does.  I also know my advice is only true for some, some of the time.  You have to pick and choose from all advice, which is why I try to provide lots and lots of tips and choices.

STAY STRONG

Parents have two jobs: To teach right from wrong and to preserve a caring relationship with their child. Lying threatens important relationships.

As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope  the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER ONE: ADVICE IS ADVICE  and only works for some parents  some of the time.   Moreover, what works for one child in a family might not work for  another child in the same family.  You must experiment to find what works for you and yours.  Good luck.

DISCLAIMER TWO: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA.  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. Dysgraphia is a not well known learning disability and means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are.  If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere.  If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.

TAKE A BREAK

Why this parenting topic?

As I do every Friday, I will be signing off soon.  As always, I want to remind you to do the same.  Does the thought frighten you?  Scared an emergency will arise with someone you love and you won’t know about it in time? You need a 911 plan, then as   Alice Caldwell Rice, American writer noted: “It ain’t no use putting up your umbrella till it rains.”

Parenting advice

For parents turning off means not being there if the awful happens to your child.  Understandable, but in terms of the awful, there is nothing you can do, other than pray, hope,  and trust that someone there knows how to help.

As a child, one night, I could not sleep.  When I heard foot steps, I turned over and slept because I thought it was my brother coming home. But the foot steps were because the awful had happened to my brother.  He had been in an automobile accident. The footsteps were parents were heading to the hospital.  I learned that the next morning.

John came home from the hospital three days later minus many teeth and with his jaw wired shut. He said the car landed on his jaw.  He lived on banana milkshakes for six weeks.  He is hale and hardy today.

There were no cell phones in those days, so I guess the call came through on the land line.  The point, however, is the professionals were taking care of my brother.  No matter how soon my parents learned about the accident, all they could have done was go to the hospital and wait which is what they did in the middle of the night anyway.

Still I am not impervious to the fears related to disconnecting.  So here are a few tips before you go totally cold turkey

Parenting tip one:  Do your homework.  As Duane Alan Hahn, blogger at Random Terrain notes, “Fools worry; the wise prepare.”  No parents worry no matter how much they prepare, but wise preparations can reduce our worrying a bit. That means have emergency numbers in your cell phone and your child’s cell phone.  List two family members that can be called if you cannot be reached, and a neighbor who is willing to pound on your door if need be.Have the same numbers on a safety card everyone in the family keeps on them.

Parenting tip two: Make sure everyone included on your child’s emergency care know they are there as back up if you cannot be reached.  Our kids know we do not answer our  phone  on Shabbat, that we will mostly be at services  if not at home, and that in a major emergency which neighbor will alert us to the problem.

Parenting tip three:  Teach your kids what is and is not an emergency.  I’ve mentioned before working on  crisis teams my staff was required to be available 24/7.  In those days we carried beepers.  At our first visit, before leaving, we gave the family a sheet detailing when to call 911, when to beep us, and when to wait for regular business hours to call us on the phone.  Develop a family plan detailing when someone with a problem needs to call 911, AAA, or you.

Parenting tip three: Let go of worrying and just do it.  If you do the above, in terms of planning some unplugged time,  you have done essentially all you can to make certain you are found if “an awful” happens.  Then just do as I said another time:

Just do it. Sometime this weekend go somewhere with your family, plunk everyone down on the ground or a bench and have a sitting and staring and keeping quiet contest.  The last one sitting gets a really good reward.  First one up has to do the dishes for a week and you can plan other punishments down to the one who gets the really good reward.  Or something like that. You get the point.

Also as always plan your me-time and mate-time.  The above serves as family time and quiet time although you might need to add another quiet time for yourself.

Thinking about what matters

“If a problem is fixable, if a situation is such that you can do something about it, then there is no need to worry. If it’s not fixable, then there is no help in worrying. There is no benefit in worrying whatsoever.” 
                                                                                             Dalai Lama XIV

Stay strong

Life is a struggle, full of pain and suffering. Parenting intensifies the struggle, but also brings more joy to your life.

Katherine

Sharing and caring creates a better world for all. When you like,  comment, or share one of my posts you become a light in my heart and help me keep up my efforts to stay strong.

Disclaimer one: Advice is just advice.

Even the most learned researchers and theorists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you by others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability that is akin to dyslexia when one writes. No matter how much I edit, mistakes get by.  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow me.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you.

TAKE A BREAK

Why this parenting topic?

As I do every Friday, I will be signing off soon.  As always I want to remind you to do the same

As the poet William Henry Davies said, “A poor life this, if full of care, We have no time to stand and stare.”

When was the last time you took an hour just to stand and stare? Staring mindlessly at the television does not count.

I cannot remember a time recently when I spent an entire hour standing and staring.  Standing makes me restless, I want to walk or sit.  The closest I come to just staring is when I am lying in bed waiting for my mind to quiet, for sleep to capture me.

When I was a child, I would sit and stare easily often for longer than an hour.  My favorite spot was climbing a tree and always with a book in hand; sometimes I would  get lost in the book, other times I would get lost in just staring at the scene below. A second favorite spot was under that same tree, lying on the ground and staring at the leaves and the sky.

I am not certain we need to just stand and stare.  I am certain, however, that we need to free ourselves from all the cares pushing us this way and pulling us that way often enough to actually be ourselves.  We need to see that our children are free to be.  Doing so is important not just for you, but for your children, all the others you hold dear, and the world at large.

Parenting advice

Just do it. Sometime this weekend go somewhere with your family, plunk everyone down on the ground or a bench and have a sitting and staring and keeping quiet contest.  The last one sitting gets a really good reward.  First one up has to do the dishes for a week and you can plan other punishments down to the one who gets the really good reward.  Or something like that. You get the point.

Also as always plan your me-time and mate-time.  The above serves as family time and quiet time although you might need to add another quiet time for yourself.

Thinking about what matters

Doing nothing is better than being busy doing nothing.

Lao Tzu

Stay strong

Life is a struggle, full of pain and suffering. Parenting intensifies the struggle, but also brings more joy to your life.

Katherine

Sharing and caring creates a better world for all. When you like,  comment, or share one of my posts you become a light in my heart and help me keep up my efforts to stay strong.

Disclaimer one: Advice is just advice.

Even the most learned researchers and theorists quarrel about much.  Take their advice and mine carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you by others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability that is akin to dyslexia when one writes. No matter how much I edit, mistakes get by.  When I am in a rush,  posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.

If you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow me.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; if a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, try reading it a few days later.  Often I catch the worse mistakes when I read the post after a few days.