Tag Archives: Practiicing kindness

ONE, TWO, THREE AND TAG DISCIPLINARY PLANS

This advice is all about discipline,  including punishment. Punishment is an ugly word to some. Reality check: Discipline cannot be established without punishments.

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Thomas Phelan developed the One, Two, Three approach. One, Two, Three works best for children under the age of twelve but can also be used for teens by saying something like “First warning,”  “Repeating myself,” “Punishment time.”

Use it for annoying behaviors, failure to adhere to an adult’s “No,” or visible breaking of rules.

Here’s how to put One, Two, Three into action through a strategy I call One, Two, Three – Tag, When annoying behavior or minor rule breaking occurs, say “One.” Continued disobedience gets a “Two.” “Three” gets  a punishment and Tag announces the punishment.

TAG can be used with One, Two, Three or as a stand alone disciplinary plan. For teens, it works best as a stand alone plan.

Here is how to put the TAG option into play:

T = Tell the child a rule has been broken
A = Announce the punishment
G = Give a positive and give the child responsibility

Example one: T = Tell.  Hitting is not allowed. A = Announce: Off to the time out chair until the bell rings. G = Controlling your temper takes time to learn; I know you will learn betters ways of saying you are angry as you get older.

Example two: T = Tell. The school called and said you cut three classes today. A = Announce. You won’t get any good behavior money tonight. G = Give. You did better yesterday. I hope you can get your act together again soon. I know you like doing things the right way. It is up to you.

Example three: T = Tell. I am missing $5.00 from my pocket book. A = Announce. As we agreed, when I miss money, your allowance pays. G = Give. I would like to give you all the money you want, but I can’t.  What happens next is up to you. The rules are clear.

After you TAG a child, end the conversation then and there. With a teen who tries to argue, leave the room while saying something like “I don’t have time to discuss this.” You might want to read about what I call “Gotcha Wars” for it is a favorite ploy of some teens and aimed at winning their wars of rebellion.

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ONE, TWO, THREE and TAG should only be used when a child has broken a punishable rule. Moreover, punishments must be known before hand. The punishment should also be able to be enforced without the child’s consent. Extra work is a good punishment and often useful to help a child prove he or she is willing to learn from the experience or make amends for misbehaving.  However, extra work does require the child to cooperate, however, so should always be paired with a punishment that does not require cooperation.

Taking away a privilege—not being able to play with a special toy, loss of special time with a parent, no dessert with dinner, loss of television time, loss of telephone privileges, or for a teenager with a driver’s taking away use of the family car, are examples of privileges that can be removed.

WARNING: Some parents take away holiday presents, birthday parties, vacations, visits with a parent who lives elsewhere or visits with other treasured relatives. These are not privileges but important ingredients in the mix that mean a child feels cared for and must never be used as a punishment.

REMEMBER WHAT MATTERS

Perhaps the most valuable result of all education is the ability to make yourself do the thing you have to do, whether you like it or not.

Thomas Henry Huxley

Stop trying to be a perfect parent. Not only possible but to often define in this day and age as keeping the kids happy and never, ever, punishing. Bah humbug. Punishment merely means pain applied following behavior.  If the punishment is a beating, then it is abuse.  For tips about proper punishing see this post of mine.   Unless you are abusive, if you provide food and shelter, encourage education,  if you work to teach values and manners, love your child and s/he knows it you are a good enough parent. Bask in that idea.

Remember sharing is caring and share this post if you found it useful or think someone else will.

Katherine

Links of interest

One, Two, Three Magic promotion video  Phelan does not share much, but this will give you a hint of his approach. Moreover, the videos are inexpensive and well worth the price.

 

SHABBAT SHALOM


May you walk in peace and may the light of love shine in and through you, now and forever.

A QUOTE FOR THINKING ABOUT WHAT MATTERSTake rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop.  Ovid

A STAYING STRONG TIP:  Observing the Shabbat has been a major blessing becoming a Jew (I am a convert. bestowed on me.  No matter what your beliefs about a higher power, a day devoted to a simpler life is strengthening.  To me that means thinking about what matters, not spending money, not working on any  commercial ventures,  not using my beloved computer, turning off the cell phone,  connecting with friends, nature, my G-d.

Create your own version, your life will improve.

STAYING STRONG TIP ADDED VALUE:   Set aside one day a week for no (or minimal) travel, and no turning on the tv, radio, or computer and turning off your cell phone.  It saves gas, reduces your carbon footprint, might solve the energy crisis, stop the heating up of our planet. Try it you might like it.

And yes, one of my ongoing cranks is how much harder it is on today’s parents to do these things.  David and I were both at home and it was hard enough, but it was during those years our only job.  So if you are working at more than being a parent, don’t guilt yourself if you can’t do as we did.  Do try to find some unconnected family time and the same for you.  Start small and spread.  Also if you have found ideas that get your family unconnected and spending quiet or play time together then share.  Also share if you’ve found a way to carve out some of the same for just you.

PRACTICE KINDNESS Share this post with others who might find it of value. Kindness gives to the giver as well as to the receiver.

IMAGE BY: adinadesigns.com

THINK ABOUT YOUR MISSION

The weekend cometh and time to do a bit of thinking about what matters, particularly if you are a parent. It is not enough to want your child to be happy and that leads to my commercial. My newest eBook is now on Amazon’s Kindle.

Book cover for Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. An Emotional Fitness Program

Go for the Good, not the Gold. You just might get both. Buy here. Knowing your mission change your life. 

Living a passionate, personal mission wedded to the broader mission of spreading kindness is the only true path to the good life.  Moreover, it is path anyone can walk. Finally, your child will walk that path if you lead the way.

Parenting advice:

Tip one: Take a bit of this weekend’s Me-time and Quiet-time to think about your mission as a person and as a parent.  If you can sum both up in a few sentences and both align with kindness, good for you.  My book will help you refine your, but you are on your way.  If not, spend the $2.99 for the book. Less than a Starbuck’s Coffee, a Cold Stone Hot Fudge Sundae, or Dinner at MacDonald’s and a longer lasting value.

Tip two:  People, including parents have goals.  But having a goal is not setting a goal which is why goals do not always get me.  My books added value is a session on SMART Goals.  I don’t promise you will reach every SMART Goal you set, but I do promise you will increase the possibilities of setting goals that you and your children can reach.  One of my mottos is “If a goal was not met, the wrong goal was set.”  SMART goals increase the odds you will set right goals for you and your child.

STAYING STRONG

Knowing what matters works, missions are about what matter.  The Mission by which I mean, practicing kindness every where and anyway you can matters most.

All of you who read me, know I sell, but I try to avoid the hard sell. Not with this one.  You also know I hate the false promises of the happiness gurus.  However, I am hard selling this book.  I think it is more important than all my others. Moreover, I make these promises,  read this one, work your way through the exercises, learn to set SMART goals and you will live the good life and so will your children.

Care and share and thank you.

Katherine

 

 

 

 

CHILDREN’S PEACE QUOTES

Talk to your children about peace.  Doing so will help them think about what matters, a major emotional fitness training exercise.

Children's quotes about peace

PARENTING tips about teaching peace

Tip one: Build peace within your heart. Model acting peace.

Tip two: Practice kindness. A peaceful  heart is not enough. Your children need to see being kind to all, not just those you love.

Tip three: Teach your children manners.

Tip four: Teach your children to meditate.  You can start with my One Minute Meditation.

Tip five: Encourage good sportsmanship in schools as well as in free play. When watching sports condemn bad sportsmanship. Remind your children playing is for fun; sports are best used to learn how to get together.

Tip six: Take a self-defense course with your child.  Pick a teacher that also teaches peace.

Tip seven: Talk about why people get angry and hurt others.  Use the media to discuss cruelty, war, prejudice, hate.

Tip eight: Normalize anger. Teach it as an emotion that needs expressing but properly which means with words and solution seeking.

Tip nine: Teach the art of apologizing and making an amends.

Tip ten: Model all the above.

STAY STRONG

Negative emotions are part of life.  They visit all and children look to you to teach them feeling management.  The more your children learn to deal with negative feelings, the more they are  prepared for making it in the real world.

For all you do to create peace and a safe world for all, thank you; you are making a difference and you are showing children how to do the same.

Katherine

IMAGE  Peace Doves designed for the national peace day in 1993 before political transition in South Africa

GOOD NEWS: My eBook ‘When Good Kids Hang Out With The Wrong Crowd‘ will be a free download on Amazon from Saturday June 1st to midnight Wednesday June 5th. The free download can be read on computers, laptops and other devices using Amazon’s free reading tools. If you do download it, consider posting a review; I’d really appreciate it.