Tag Archives: Practicing Kindness


As I am down with the flu, I wanted to  trying the laugh cure.  Was going to watch some Seinfeld reruns.


Didn’t have the gumption even to watch turn on the TV. Wish my doctor’s hand writing was illegible. Better yet wish there was a cure for this bug. Will let you know when I swat it down and am strong again.  Until then this is the best I can to.  This and sleep.


Here is my thank you gift if you have just started following me.   It is a free guide to the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises. These are easy to learn, easy to practice and helpful to anyone dealing with life’s stresses and every day problems.

My book  Parents Are People Too: An Emotional Fitness Program for parents details all the exercises needed to get and stay emotionally strong.  All my other  books can be found on my  Amazon’s Author Page.

You can also follow me on the When Good Kids Do Bad Things Facebook page. If you go there please take a moment to like it.

Finally, You might find my Emotional Fitness Training’s Pinterest site helpful. Both of my blog posts are pinned there, and I also share peoples information that I think for help you stay strong both as a parent and an individual. Take a peek by clicking here.

As I tell myself a thousand times a day,  do not weaken, give lots of love to others and to yourself, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope  the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love.



Between Sandy and the spreading hostilities in the Middle East, caring and sharing has become even more important. Devote this weekend to giving more.

Sign language for give: Starting wth closed fists pointing at each others held at your chest, push outward, openomg palms and hold ing upward.

Hard times are making it difficult for many to take a break.  When all you own has been destroyed, when you live in fear for your life, the caring of others matters in moving forward. If that is what you are living with as much as you would like to take a break, it will not be easy, but is even more important if you want to move forward.

At the same time, if you can read this, you and your children are in a position to practice the kindness involved in sharing and caring even if living in the midst of trauma or war.  Don’t neglect your self, but also do what you can to help others.

November 13th was world wide practice kindness day.  I posted on it, but as many remarked, kindness needs to be practiced every day and I would add throughout the day. This post is about practicing and teaching kindness.


Tip one: Use Family Time to teach children how to practice kindness.  Give to the charity boxes at places like MacDonalds and have young children put the coins in.  Say, “I am grateful we are lucky enough to be able to give to others.”

Tip  two: By the time your kids are entering school, teach them tithing.  For every gift you give someone,  donate 10% of the gift’s cost to charity.  The receiver  can pick the charity.

As suggested above for many  children putting the money in a charity coin box is fun and re-enforces  giving.

For an added learning bonus, think of holding back 10% of every gift and depositing it in a savings account to be given to the child when he or she is twenty one.

Tip three:  Use holidays to emphasize giving back.  Use the time between Thanksgiving, Christmas, Hanuka  Kwanzaa  and the New Year to give.

Tip four: Give directly by reaching out personally with a helping hand. Visit the elderly, train service dogs, exercise dogs at a shelter.  Take the kids with you once you deem them old enough to help. Volunteer your family and your kids to work in a food kitchen regularly.

Tip five: Teach and practice good manners. Saying “Thank you,” smiling, being respectful, offering to help are all ways to practice kindness throughout the day.

Tip six:  Give out of the box. Giving to your own is easiest, but world peace is built by giving to your enemies or those you think unworthy of your kindness.

Tip seven: Use traumatic and bad world events for teaching  both giving and gratitude.  Give to the Red Cross, give blood and take your mature enough kids with you at least once.

Tip ten: If you did not see the Reblog  about how Sandy’s victims are giving to each other on my EFTI blog, go there now and read it. Read at least one of the stories to your children and discuss with them how they can help some of Sandy’s victims or others that are living truamatic times.

Tip eleven: Do not forget long standing needs of smaller not for profit organizations. Sandy has affected the USA, but past hurricanes have damaged other poorer countries. Haiti still needs help. The Haiti Initiative is a not for profit organization started by a young woman I know personally. She not only raises money, but goes and lives with the impoverished.

The wars in the Middle East are on-going and sadly too many want to see Israel and the Jews destroyed while repressive regimes stay in power.

One of my former students left a plush life in New York and went to Israel as a young bride. She not only raised for children, but started and developed the Big Brothers and Big Sisters of Israel in an effort to help the young of that area stay strong.

Tip eight: Teach that being kind brings its over reward.   Even if rejected  or accepted hostility kindness matters. Doing the right thing is an important path to feeling good about yourself.

Tip nine: Print up a poster similar to this, frame it and post it were you and your children will see it everyday.

Tip twelve: As you give practice gratitude.  You will be strengthening you and yours by practicing two of the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises.


I assume if you are reading this, no matter how hard you have it, you also have a great deal to be grateful for.  Being grateful means saying thanking you, but also putting your gratitude into acts of kindness.  I hope this post has given you a few idea about how to do that while taking your break.

Here is my thank you or welcome to the my blog  gift – a quick introduction to The Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises.

For more details about staying strong as a parent buy any one of my E-books.

My newest E book  When Good Kids Get You in A Gotcha War is available on Smashwords for the introductory price of 99 cents.

Another related to this subject s available at Amazon  How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting.

You don’t need a kindle to read ebooks from Amazon. You can download a free Kindle reader to your computer when you buy the book.

If you buy any of my books, please review where you bought it or leave a comment on my blog.  Thank you for helping me stay strong.

DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA. If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. I have dysgraphia which means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are. Thanks for your understanding and reading my work.

As always thank you for following me.  If you know someone else who will benefit from my thoughts, forward this to them.  Liking, commenting, and sharing are other ways you can help me stay strong and spread some ideas others might find helpful.

As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, and give lots of love, have lots of luck.


Parenting a shy kid?  A computer geek? One who doesn’t get manners or know how to be friends?   Starting to worry? Time to learn more.

IMAGE FROM: Lets chat autism. Another useful resource to visit.


Autism is a group of developmental brain disorders.  Symptoms and burden vary greatly. The term “spectrum” refers to the wide range of symptoms, skills, and levels of impairment. Some live relatively normal lives and others barely function beyond the level of a toddler.

Aspergers is part of the spectrum or maybe not.  The shrinks are debating.

The numbers diagnosed with ASD or Aspergers seems to be growing, which makes more parents worry. The numbers may be growing only because of the growth of the psychiatric community which means many who had the disorder in the past didn’t get the label.  There may also be more children burdened by ASD or Aspergers for reasons not yet understood. Either way parents with children marching to very different drummers worry.

The main symptoms for all forms of Autism fall into three areas:

  1. Repetitive and stereotyped behaviors known by many as flapping, but can also involve intense fascination with objects, lights,  and sounds
  2. Delayed or no speech
  3. Marked difficulty socializing

 Once the child is out and about in the broader world, I add these three things to my worry list:

  1. Behavior that is troublesome wherever the child goes — that is usually the first sign a brain glitch is part of the problem and not how the child is treated in different environments.
  2. Not one friend of his or her age.
  3. Bullied or isolated by peers.  Differences make adults uncomfortable and children more so.

For lots more information about autism, the USA’s National Institute of Mental Health provides this site. 

For a parent’s perspective go to Flappiness Is.  Calum is a three year old, he has a five year old sister who is not autistic–what the autistic community calls neuro-typical.  Their mother writes movingly about parenting both and her blog  is a gift to those struggling to provide a good life for children challenged by this brain glitch.


Tip one: Reading the resources suggested above is a good first step.

Tip two: If you have already read about autism and Aspergers, and are still worried get competent professional help if you have not done so.

Tip three: Strengthen your  Emotional Fitness  skills.

Tip four:  Find support so you can share your hopes, fears, dreams, slips, set-backs and success with others. This will help you and others.  Helping others is practicing kindness and strengthens you and others.  One way to practice kindness is by liking, commenting, or sharing my posts. I promise kindness is always rewarded in one way or another.

Tip five:  Read my next post – due Wednesday – as I will focus more on Aspergers and a bit on finding competent help.


Parenting is difficult and often a struggle as you must know by now.  You should also know this: you are almost certainly a good enough parent. As noted above, if you’re having a hard time, my advice is not to ignore that, get professional help.

As always, thank you for your support, it means a great deal to me.


DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIAIf you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. I have dysgraphia which means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are. Thanks for your understanding and reading my work.


All my books are available on Amazon, and readable on any tablet, laptop, Mac, PC, e-reader or Kindle device.

When Good Kids Do Bad Things. A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers
Parents Are People Too. An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents
Tame the Test Anxiety Monster

Watch for my about to be released How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting.  This is a Tool Kit with templates and posters as well as an E-book.


Day dreaming or ADD

Why this parent advice topic

This post continues the series  “Getting along in school.”  The previous posts have looked at temperament, goodness of fit, the three major learning disabilities – Dyslexia, Dyscalulia, and Disgraphia; the most recent post, looked at Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD with a focus on hyperactivity.  Considered more as a behavior problem than a learning disability, hyperactivity definitely creates school problems.  Now the focus shifts to ADD without hyperactivity which also creates school problems, not ones that are always noticed.

Distracted by boredom and inner thoughts.

While Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is over diagnosed, Attention Deficit is under-diagnosed.  Why? The child’s behavior tends not to annoy most adults, teachers in particular.

Here is a symptom check list for ADD:

  •  Often does not give close attention to details or makes careless mistakes in schoolwork, work, or other activities.
  • Often has trouble keeping attention on tasks or play activities.
  • Often does not seem to listen when spoken to directly.
  • Often does not follow through on instructions and fails to finish schoolwork, chores, or duties in the workplace (not due to oppositional behavior or failure to understand instructions).
  • Often has trouble organizing activities.
  • Often avoids, dislikes, or doesn’t want to do things that take a lot of mental effort for a long period of time (such as schoolwork or homework).
  • Often loses things needed for tasks and activities (e.g. toys, school assignments, pencils, books, or tools).
  • Is often easily distracted.
  • Is often forgetful in daily activities.

The first hint that I might have a tendency toward ADD came from  quote that I believe I read in Halloway and Ratey’s book Driven to Distraction.  A golden oldie that should be required reading for all teachers and most parents.

Here’s the quote, “Always organizing, never organized.”

Never checked out to see how many of the symptoms I had.  Did so now.  As my mother always said, “God blessed you when he sewed your head to your neck.”

Yes, I lose things constantly.  Which reminds me, I am hoping my cell phone is in our car, but first I have to figure out where I put my car keys.  Sigh.  Found the car keys but not the cell phone.  Haven’t give up, but feeling it may be gone for good.  Life goes on.  Anyway, I don’t fully qualify for the diagnosis.

To be officially diagnosed one must have at least six of the symptoms.  I have three. Moreover, the symptoms must be seen in at least two different settings – home and school; home and church.  Well, I seem to take them everywhere I go.  However, the symptoms must interfere with the ability to do what needs to be done.  I am highly productive.  Annoyed and frustrated because of my various challenges, but productive nevertheless.  Finally, the distractablity  must not be due to another major mental disorder.  Trauma is a big culprit here.  More about in a future post.

Parent advice

Parent tip number one:  If you have not read, all of my posts about trouble in school, read them. The tips all apply.

Parent tip number two:  Program, program, program. This is a good tip for most of us.  Possibly not the obsessive compulsive who may be over organized.  By program, I mean instill things like:  A place for everything and every thing in its place.  My soon to be three year old grandson knows were his toys go and what happens if they don’t go there.

Parent tip number three: Routines. A time and season for everything meaning designated free time, me time, play time, T.V time, work time, study time, family time.

Parent tip number four: Check lists.

Parent tip number five: Guard your child’s self-esteem.  Promote what matters.  What matters? Kindness, caring, generosity  working for peace.  Moreover, those three things require no special talents, no huge pocket-book.  You star in your life when you seek to leave your corner of the world better than you found it.

Stay strong

Life is a struggle, full of pain and suffering. Parenting intensifies the struggle, but also brings more joy to your life.


Disclaimer: Forgive my grammatical errors for I have dysgraphia.

if you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow me.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; if a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you but you want to keep reading try again in a few days   Often I catch the worse mistakes when I read the post after a few days.