Tag Archives: Practicing Kindness

SCARY STUFF

Most fears, including children’s fears, are irrational. So here’s a joke about irrational fears. Then an Emotional Fitness Training tip for parents.

Fear of turning to stone? Petrifying.

emotional fitness thoughts and tips

Fear first appears in children somewhere between six and eight months when an  unfamiliar face appears evokes cries of terror.  The fear of  strangers signals the baby now knows his care takers from other people.  It also signals one of the main reason all people feel fear or fear’s cousin’s anxiety and worry.  That reason?  Fear of the unknown.

What to do?  Adults should follow these rules when dealing with fear:

Step one: Always do  a quick reality check. Building on fire? Fear needs to be listened to.  Tornado approaching? Take shelter.  Child running toward danger? Stop the child’s forward progress anyway you can.

Step two: ignore the fear.  Remember the song from the King and I: “Whenever I feel afraid,  I hold my head erect, And whistle a happy tune,  So no one will suspect I’m afraid.”  It works and by acting as if there is nothing to be afraid of, fear flees.

With children, the smaller the child and the greater the fear comforting is the major strategy.   As the child acquires language, murmur the words “Safe” or “Okay” becomes important.  As the child grows encouraging efforts to face false fears can also grow.  In time, discussions about fears and life threatening  dangers need to take place.

Update

As noted when I last blogged, a move was pending.   We are now nine days into our new home.  Many boxes unpacked.  Most stuff, and there is too much of it, is at least in the room that will be its final resting place.  Need to throw even more out, but not now.

Back on-line, but not consistently.  My connection cuts out unexpectedly.  Then getting back on IS not simple. Printer not working.  Not even mosquito bites in the scheme of what matters.

Still trying to figure out how to work smarter, not harder.  Posting on this blog weekly. If you want more of me, try my Facebook or Pinterest persona.

The EFTI Store is up.  You will find some free posters amid ones for sale. A new free one goes up  almost every day.  Not sure what a poster coach is  or how to use it. You are not alone.

Here is a  comment by Jean Tracy of Kids Discuss (she is a major guru when it comes to teaching social skills to children: ”I appreciate how your Kindness Poster shares so many important social skills. It would look great on many fridges as a reminder to family members.”

What works for kids also works for adults.  Poster coaches encourage practice of one of the Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises. Most focus on Thinking About What Matters.  Some try to provide you with a little laugh.  Here are other ideas for using them.

  1. Frame and hang at home, in classrooms or office
  2. Add to bulletin boards
  3. Use as workshop handouts
  4. Use for note book covers
  5. Use as rewards
  6. Give as gifts

Enough said for now. I need to get this posted.

Stay strong, I am trying and as usual thank you for sharing and caring.

Katherine

This brief post was the result of this Daily Prompt: Fright Night  What’s the thing you’re most scared to do? What would it take to get you to do it?

Advertisements

INTENSE

Daily Prompt: Intense!  Surprised by the intensity of a feeling about something? Happened all the time as a parent and foster parent.  but also just happened. Remember to meet intense emotions with kindness.

Practice Kindness Emotional Fitness Poster Coach

I have a table that has been in the family for years and years and years. Maybe 125 years.  Before our move from the Bronx to Colorado  this happened, I don’t even remember how.

DSCN0046

Yes that is a broken leg. Couldn’t shoot the table, although darling David said toss it, but I ruled on that one and it has been stored in the garage for the past four years.

We are moving in a few weeks – downsizing for financial reasons and one way of saving money has been not to get a garage.

David said again “Toss it.”

Men are so unsentimental.  I held out for getting the table fixed so it could be brought inside.  Today the estimator came from  a furniture restore company. Estimated cost just for attaching the leg – no refinishing – just put the leg back – almost $400. I burst into tears – surpising hubby, estimator,  Punky the dog, and moi.

Estimator fled. Dog licked my tears.  Husband stopped saying “Toss the table.”

And yes, the tears over table are just a symbol of one of the harder parts about aging and moving and letting go.  And yes, I know how rich we are in the things that matter, still somethings about life will always hurt and no matter what the other gurus say, some hurts are not so easily tossed aside with calming breaths,  positive self-talk, remembering what matters, and visualizing what you want.

I am still  going to try  to get the leg attached.  I had figured it might cost as much as $100, and have saved that amount from my nickle and dimes over the past few months.  Now I am going to try Craig’s list for a general handyman, not a “restorer.”

Hope you see the connection to parenting. Remember,  I am a licensed therapist, I survived 14 years fostering I  founded a company called Emotional Fitness Training, Inc.; I have written books about how to “Stay (emotionally) Strong; I practice what I preach and I end all correspondence with those words.

So hear this:  Not being able to get the leg fixed on an old table turned me a blubbering fool. Moreover, it could have just as easily turned me into a mad dog, what some call a foul mouth b—-.

So when you have a melt-down for any reason. Be kind to yourself. The meltdown proves your humanity.  

When another is having a melt down fur any reason,  time to be kind to that person not matter age, stage, child, mother, father, sister, brother and yes, even the boss you are not to fond or your biggest enemy. 

So that takes me to another  poster coach about kindness.

Parents must practice these to show their kids the way

Parents must practice these to show their kids the way

 Update

 

You may have noticed I am blogging less here. Yes. Let me tell you some of the reasons why.  My heart is with parents, but also with emotional fitness and right now, emotional fitness is in the lead for my attention and my affections.  That said, even emotional fitness is not claiming all of my time right now. Here are some of the reasons why:

First: Moving home and office, in less than a week.

Second: Need to work smarter, not harder.  Most of my readers come on board at the beginning of the week; so will always try to post Monday or Tuesday; but the other days will be more hit or miss.

That said if you want more of me, try my Facebook or Pinterest persona.

Third change: Although,  I will continue to write and put out books; right now my heart is with my EFTI Poster Coaches. So much of what I read about  emotional intelligence offers little in terms of practical applications.  Mostly what are offered are expensive workshops or training.  Not helpful to most of us. Those not on the fast track, need easier paths to Staying Strong.

Not sure what a poster coach is or how to use it. You are not alone.

Here is a  comment by Jean Tracy of Kids Discuss (she is a major guru when it comes to teaching social skills to children: ”I appreciate how your Kindness Poster shares so many important social skills. It would look great on many fridges as a reminder to family members.”

What works for kids also works for adults.  Poster coaches encourage practice of one of the Twelve Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises. Most focus on Thinking About What Matters.  Some try to provide you with a little laugh.  Here are other ideas for using them.

  1. Frame and hang at home, in classrooms or office
  2. Add to bulletin boards
  3. Use as workshop handouts
  4. Use for note book covers
  5. Use as rewards
  6. Give as gifts

Enough said for now. I need to get this posted.

Stay strong, I am trying and as usual thank you for sharing and caring.

Katherine

P.S. This post relates in a small way to this Word Press Daily Prompt: Tell us about a favorite character from film, theater, or literature, with whom you’d like to have a heart-to-heart. What would you talk about?

SPECIAL WAY TO SPEND THIS WEEKEND

Not the whole weekend, but some of it. If you are not a parent of special needs child, read and be grateful, then share and care.

special-needs-blogger-linkup-love-that-max

Go to Love that Max to join or read what others share.

STAY STRONG

As always, remember what matters,  and that is sharing and caring. The more we understand another person’s struggles, the more easily we know how to help and how to stay on the path that leads to world peace.

Enjoy your free time. Find me-time, friend and family time, quiet time. Indulge in some healthy pleasures, appreciate beauty and as always practice kindness by sharing and caring.

Katherine

TWO DISCLAIMERS

The first:  Although built upon evidenced based practices, there is no guarantee my advice is the right advice for you and your family. Experiment, try my tips; if they are not useful to you try another parent adviser. You are the expert on you and your child; the rest of us experts on many different things.

The second: I have dysgraphia, a learning disability that peppers my writing with mis-spelling and punctuation errors. All my books are professionally edited. Not so my blog posts. Although I use all the grammar and spelling checks, mistakes slip by. If they bother you, seek another source of support for life’s less savory moments.   Life is too short to let problems you can avoid annoy or stress you.

BE KIND AND CAUTIOUS

Giving to charity is practicing kindness, a major emotional fitness exercise, however, both parents and children need to be cautious when giving money away.

A blog post about checking our charities before contributing.PARENTING ADVICE ABOUT GIVING TO CHARITY

Charity Watch is a good place to visit before writing a check for any charity.  Two examples: There are over 60,000 charities that use the word Veteran in their title. Easy to know why. People care about our soldiers. Many are worthy, but others are not.

One of the largest churches brags about its charitable donations, but only 7 per cent of what is contributed gets to the people in need.  The Red Cross on the other hand puts 97 per cent of what it raises to people in need.

You can also just type a question like this “Is Wounded Warriors a Good Charity?” into your browser and get a rating.  Wounded Warrior gets three stars out of four.

Staying Strong

Part of my effort at this stage of my life is to leave a legacy.  My love is my family’s legacy.  But I am also eager to share some of my hard-earned knowledge about emotional fitness.  You may have noticed, I am promoting my sharing knowledge business aka Emotional Fitness Training, Inc.

As part of that effort, I am changing my Emotional Fitness Pinterest Boards to better reflect emotional fitness.  The biggest change right now  is trying to creat a board for each exercise. I am currently working on the Practice Kindness Board.  Visit it for more tips about being cautious when giving to charity.

I also wrote a long post on Emotional Fitness Training’s Blog about being cautious.  I started with a story about when I why I give to street beggars, something most people say is a “No-no and then added six tips for wise giving.   Here is that link. 

Given my coming birthday party and book launch event, my last reminder of that page was  in the form of a Cranky Old Lady Rants Poster. 

A cranky old lady rant.

For all you do to support me and others, as always thank you.

Stay strong, I work at it all the time.

Katherine