Tag Archives: Life


Strengthening your child’s ability  to deal with uncertainty is the best preparation for the real world.

Life's hard, grow up

The Mom is trying to control the future and her  child is seeks to “Live now.”  A common conflict.

Both Mom and Child are trying to control. Conflicting goals, conflicting understanding, and a common parent/child communication failure.

Conflicts create uncertainty and  spur the need to control. but are better used to encourage thought as well as to deal with what cannot be controlled.

understanding uncertainty in general

Once survival is assured,  human behavior is driven by the wish to be certain and to control. Every human being wants  a predictable world and to feel in control. The more control, the more peace of mind, but when uncertainty grows, anxiety grows.  Not feeling in control intensifies conflict and creates greater uncertainty

Here is a brute fact most want to avoid.  Personal control is limited;  the real world is not predictable. Some people win the lottery, some go bankrupt.   Disease ravages some, avoids others. Lightening strikes one person, while harmlessly missing another. Some people escape terrible accidents; others die from a simple slip and fall.  Doing all the right things does not prevent bad things from happening.

We control somethings, but not others. We don’t direct lightening strikes. Disease comes unbidden. We all age and die. These are brute facts and cause mega doses of uncertainty and pain for all.

Much of our emotional life is a quest to live at peace with the uncertainties of life and what we do not control.  Without necessarily understanding that as a life goal, we still want the same for our children.

Understanding how PEOPLE  deal with uncertainty

Jerome Kagan,  Harvard researcher  points out that there are four ways humans tend to resolve uncertainty. They are:

  1. Ignoring any source creating doubt.  Think of people not watching news or not learning the ins and outs of the internet.
  2.  Angry blaming of anyone or anything creating doubt.  Think of throwing a smart phone across the room because it makes you feel dumb. Think of prejudices particularly against religions do not believe as you do.
  3. Blaming yourself and thinking you are incompetent or stupid.  Think of the throwing the Smart phone across the room and then getting depressed for being so dumb.  Then think of feeling dumb because a seven-year old can operate your new Smart phone and you cannot. Religions foster uncertainty by the belief bad things happen as punishments of individual or group sins.
  4. Despair and giving up on large and small tasks.  Think of going back to a land line because you don’t think you can learn to use a Smart Phone.  Think of deciding peace on earth is not possible.


Tip one: Explore how you deal with uncertainty?  The more we understand ourselves and how we react to things like uncertainty, the more we can control those reactions.

Tip two: Always ask when conflict develops, what uncertainties are operating.  Who is feeling out of control and why?

Tip three: As always know your child’s temperament. Shy children and sensitive children will have more difficulty dealing with uncertainty than a bold, active child.

Tip four: Encourage “not knowing everything” as natural and a cause for thinking more or learning more. Freely admit what you don’t know. Also, state when  something cannot be known. If you don’t know something that your child asks use and can be looked up,look it up together. .

Tip five: Encourage reality based thinking.  Label fantasy, “Nice, but not real.” Label hope as “work hard, and wish for the best.”

Tip six: Admit  life is unpredictable.  Comment  off and on, that good happens, bad happens, some things go as planned, something don’t go as planned and part of being emotionally strong is learning to roll with what life gives you.

Tip seven:  Develop a Daily Emotional Fitness Program and practice it with your child. Go here some of for  EFT’s Easy Exercises.  See this Free EFTI poster for some other exercises. 

!2 Easy Emotional Fitness Poster

Tip seven: Encourage starring in life, which is something all can do if they know what really matters. Make sure your life reflects what matters and that is being  being fair, kind,  and caring for ALL you meet. Comment when you see someone caring for others; praise your child for their acts of kindness.


Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, like, share or comment.



This post relates to this  DAILY PROMPT;  Adult Visions – As a kid, you must have imagined what it was like to be an adult. Now that you’re a grownup (or becoming one), how far off was your idea of adult life?

The year,  I graduated from college I went to twenty weddings between the beginning of June and the end of August. Being grownup to my generation of women meant going to college to get your MRS, nothing more.  I was not one of the ones getting married. I married when I was 34.  My unmarried years, and the years since have all been lessons in dealing with uncertainty.  I have been lucky to grow stronger and to find my life although different than I imagined amazing.


Awe inspiring

This Emotional Fitness Exercise is for you. It soothes and calms while reminding you what matters#emotionalintelligence  #fitness

Think of all around you, above, you within you - know awe.

As with all Emotional Fitness Exercise, this one works best when done with total awareness. For more about being fully aware visit  Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.  You can get a free digital download of this or any other Emotional Fitness Poster Coach by going to EFTIstore.


A teenager can learn the same way you learn – by reading the Poster Coach and practicing the exercise regularly.

Pre-teens and younger children can learn by first introducing them to nature and stating, how awesome it is to be part of the world.


Doing a full body stretch every once in a while also improves your emotional fitness and is equally important to teach your children. 

Thank you Daily Prompt for this one ; Daily Prompt: Twilight Zone  Ever have an experience that felt surreal, as though you’d been suddenly transported into the twilight zone, where time seemed to warp, perhaps slowing down or speeding up? Tell us all about it.

Happens to me when I practice the exercise described above.

As always thank you for practicing deliberate kindness and liking, commenting or sharing this post.


Happy Father’s Day – Down Under

A day or two late, but I just found out the Aussies recently celebrated Father’s Day.


Written I am sure by one who had just such a father and the kind we all want, and all the Dad’s I know strive to be.

Stay strong by remembering what matters, sharing and caring, laughing and playing.




Happy school is starting? That’s the question asked on the Word Press Prompt for today. What about your child? Lots of children put on a happy face, but enter the class room with fear and trepidation. What can a parent do? Read on.


Parents Are People Too Thoughts

The younger your child the more anxiety might lie underneath a happy face.  And for the most anxious, those with a more fearful than bold temperament, the happy face cannot be found on school days. Three types of anxiety play a part in school daze.
  1. Separation anxiety
  2. Social anxiety
  3. Test anxiety

Each needs to be dealt with differently.  Today’s quick thought is about separation anxiety.  If your child is fine as long as you are with him or her, but protests vigorously when you try to leave, there are two rules and only two rules.
First rule: Be certain the child will be safe when you leave. Fairly easy to follow despite all the fear mongering about child predators and the other bad things lurking in the buses of life.
Second rule: Just leave and without much ado. “You are safe; I will come back; goodbye.”

Before you make it to your car, your child will most likely have turned off the tears, and found some comfort away from you.
And yes, warnings or a transition object might help, but separating from parents is a manageable stress, a normal challenge; so walk away and let the day care staff or school staff deal. Your child will grow.

More about social anxiety in my next post.

Staying strong

If you are an anxious soul, chances are your child might be also.  The more you can self soothe and create calmness when the anxiety monster tries to control you, the more helpful you will be when it comes to helping your child deal with anxiety.  So work on your self soothing skills.

For a taste of a one of my self soothing skills, visit my Emotional Fitness Blog Page: An Easy Emotional Fitness Exercise.  Better yet, buy my eBook, Self-soothe, Create Calm In Your Life .  You can download it to your computer.

Caring and sharing is another easy self-soothing exercise called Practicing Kindness. So if you think this post might help another, share it.

Meanwhile, for all you do, thank you.