Tag Archives: emotional intelligence

Punishment Is Not Abuse: Ten Discipline Tips

Punishment required. Cartoon

When it seems the little ones and not so little ones are out to get you the time has come to discipline and probably even punish. These tips might help.

Discipline Tips

First tip: You are the person responsible for teaching right from wrong. 

Matters not what others teach or how you are related to the child when you are interacting with the child you are the one responsible for teaching . Except when the parents are in charge which is in their house, but in my house, my rules.

Second tip: Keep the rules simple. Safety; respect for self, others, all living things, and property; obey reasonable laws. Respect means following both versions of the Golden Rule whether religious or not: treat others the way you want to be treated; do not do to others what you do not want done to you.

Third tip: Punishment is not a dirty word. Not punishing gives permission to do wrong and is almost as big a problem as too harsh punishments.

The official definition of punishment is something bad happens after doing something someone else does not like. This means withholding praise or a smile is a punishment. The trick is always to make the punishment fit the crime.

Fourth tip: Teaching right from wrong starts as soon as the child starts walking. The best source of parenting advice for this age is Thomas Phelan’s One, Two, Three Magic . One and two serve as warnings, three is punishment, usually a timeout.

Fifth tip: When your child enters adolescence, let go. Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effectiveness Training  focuses on letting go and letting life teach.

Learning to avoid Gotcha Wars and part of letting go. Here is a Wikihow I started on that subject

Sixth tip: Talk less. Both Phelan and Gordon say actions are more important than words. A good book for helping you talk less is The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard.

Seventh tip: Allow as much choice as possible. We all want to feel we choose our way. Choice empowers. Starting offering choices as soon as your child starts walking and talking, but choice should be on-going.

How do you offer choice? “This cookie or that one, your choice.”“Do you want to watch TV or go for a walk with me?” “Are you doing your chores or letting me keep your allowance? Your choice.” “Obey” or “Timeout.” “Homework or bad grades?”

Warning: make certain the choices are ones you can live with.

Eighth tip: Follow John Gottmean’s “Five to One Rule.” Gottman discovered that to overcome one negative encounter in a relationship five positives encounters were required. Why smiles, praise, thank yous, fun time, and sharing healthy laughs matter.

Ninth tip: Good enough beats perfection when it comes to living the good life.  Praise effort, honor good intentions, forgive mistakes – yours and your child’s.

Tenth tip: Remember what matters.  It might be time to buy and read my eBook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. 

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Practice kindness by liking, commenting or sharing this post. Liking encourages others to read. Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: me, you, and those who benefit from your sharing.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness. 

 

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Think About Your Legacy

Bradberry quote

As grandparents who married late and may not be around as our three grandsons enter adulthood, we are creating legacy boxes, Something you might think of doing if you are a grandparent. And yes, a bit egocentric, but who does not want to be remembered and to pass a bit of  hard learned wisdom to our children, grandchildren, and perhaps great-grandchildren.   Sharing knowledge has been one of my life’s mission and a legacy box lets  me keep sharing.

What goes in a legacy box? Ours hold photos, childish letters, family history and genealogy, bits of jewelry, some wooden toys, a few my poster coaches, copies of my books, lots of other books, and  a personalized letter from each of us to our grandchildren.

An example, one of my favorite novels remains T.H. White’s Once and Future King. Many children’s stories about King Arthur have spun off from this as well as the musical Camelot and the movie Excalibur – another favorite of mine.  The book is a satire written as Hitler was coming to power and much loved by many people. Reading it as a teen changed my thoughts about life and people. I am hoping  my grandchildren will  think more critically if and when they read it.

Not a grandparent? Better yet. Being a parent focuses most people on hopes and dreams for their children. The life you live whether planned or not forms part of your legacy. The best way to control at least some of your legacy is to know your mission and to insure it focuses on what matters. As the sages and researchers make clear what matters is treating others as you want to be treated.

A warning, however.  A part of our inner child as well as all real live children want what they want and need help learning what matters. Children until the age of eight or nine, need to learn good manners, how to practice kindness and forgiveness, as well as how to deal with not getting what they want. Takes a bit of tough love and best when leavened with  soft love.

Then the process of letting go can begin so by their teens, children are ready to navigate the real world.

Not clear about missions and SMART goals?  Consider getting my ebook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. Costs less than a latte and every sale keeps me going.

THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO

Practice kindness by liking or sharing what  you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you. I know that when someone does this, it keeps me going.

Stay strong, it takes some effort for parenting is both pleasure and pain, effortless and a struggle.

Katherine

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Disclaimer two: Take all advice even mine, carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

Thank

 

The Me Too Movement, Emotional Intelligence, And Your Child: Six Tips

The Me Too movement offers  a great opportunity To Strengthen youR AND YOUR FAMILY’S Emotional Intelligence

We are a society that has promoted the need to correct or prevent all negative feelings. Well intended but unrealistic.  Hurt is part of life.

Moreover, false expectations or false fears create their own problem.Think about the result of trying to protect our children against sexual predators and telling them not to talk to strangers. Normal civility declined.  Children’s fears increased.

What to do

Tip one: Stop forcing children to allow relatives and friends to kiss and hug without asking permission. Most child sexual abuse is perpetuated by relatives and close family friends.

Tip two: Teach private parts rules. Generally that means no touching without permission of breasts, genitals, and tush. Even parents and doctors need to ask permission and explain why they need to touch even when the child says “No”.

Tip three: Teach self-defense moves preferably Karate with a Peace DoJo.

Tip four: Teach assertiveness skills

Tip five: Foster civility. Teach good manners, practicing kindness and forgiveness. Model these with in all your actions both with strangers and with your children.

Tip six: Strengthen your family’s emotional fitness skills. Teach meditation skills early own. Go here for Daniel Goleman’s Breathing Buddies video. Learn, practice, and then teach Emotional Fitness Training’s Twelve Easy Exercies. Do so during family business meetings.

Thank you for all you do

Practice kindness by liking or sharing what  you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you. I know that when someone does this, it keeps me going.

Stay strong, it takes some effort for life can be a painful struggle.

Katherine

Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Disclaimer two: Take all advice even mine, carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.

Thank

UPDATE

I am working on trying to get two new eBooks published. When that is done will I will get back to blogging more regularly. Thank you as always for your patience.

Meanwhile, for daily tips follow me on Facebook. I have an Emotional Fitness Training page there as well an Emotional Fitness Tips for Parents page.  I try to post helpful articles on these pages as well as some laughs and a bit of inspirational stuff.

I also have a Pinterest Account and many of the boards offer Emotional Fitness advice and tips.

Thank you all for your patience and your support. You keep me going.