Tag Archives: Emotional fitness


I am here and often feel like a Rambling Wreck for Aging Tech. Soon to be 83, slightly demented, but still laughing, able to write almost coherently, and very grateful.

Mega problems with my Emotional Fitness Training Blog. Sigh. WordPress not helping to straighten things out unless I pay for an update and premium blog. Cannot afford that, SOOOOooooo …. for now, all posts will start here. Hoping from here I can send them to the EFT Blog. We will see if that works out. Never wanted heaps of money, but a bit more would help. Enough is a blessing as the Irish say, and I do have enough to stay warm and eat all the cholate I want, so grateful.

I am working on my next book: “Thinking of Therapy, Think Carefully.” I will be posting chapters here and will be thankful for any comments or suggestions for improvement.

A Yell In Time Might Save A Parent’s Sanity

Some people including some kids don’t listen until you yell.


Think about how you knew your parents meant business. My father who rarely yelled, raised his voice a notch or two. My mother who seemed to yell all the time spoke very softly and lowered her voice by five notches.

A slightly better way: One Two Three Magic. by Thomas Phelan. Here is what I think he suggests in a nutshell:

  1. Establish rules.
  2. Establish which rules must be obeyed.
  3. Establish the punishments for not obeying, usually a time out.
  4. Tell the kids you will warn them when they are in danger of being punished. with a single word. One for not listening, Two for crossing the line, Three have earned a punishment.
  5. Hold three practice sessions.
  6. Implement.

Works best if both parents are together in implementing this. I use it with my grandchildren. Their grandfather does not. He is much easier going then I am. Whatever. Note, however, when I say “One,” obedience ensues.

Phelan also makes the point parents talk too much. Obviously what Mom was doing in the picture posted above.

Warning: This is to be used as you are teaching children right from wrong. That is best done from age two to twelve. Teens need a different approach. Thomas Gordon’s Parent Effective Training’s Let go and let life teach works well, but only if kids have been taught right from wrong.

Finally, here’s the best book for combining Phelan and Gordon’s approach: The One Minute Manager by Ken Blanchard.


Practice kindness by liking, commenting or sharing this post. Liking encourages others to read. Commenting says you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: me, you, and those who benefit from your sharing.



These links are for those not familiar with Emotional intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness. 





Forget About Keeping Your Children Happy

Start with yourself first. If you are calm and in control of your feelings, your children will be better able to control their feelings. Here are six Emotional Fitness exercises to get you started.

Exercise number one: The One Minute Meditation (The OMM)

  1. Breathe in slowly to a count of five.
  2. Hold your breath for a count of five.
  3. Breathe out slowly to another count of five.
  4. Breathe normally and simply observe how it feels to breathe in and out.
  5. If thoughts make their presence known,  observe them and continue breathing; the same with feelings.
  6. At the end of a minute, sooner if you want, take a deep breathe in, hold it for a count of five.
  7. As you breathe out, say a silent “Ahhhhhh” or “Thank you” and smile softly.

Practice the OMM until you can do it comfortably and without having to read the exercise.  That takes as little as five times for some, twenty-five for others.

Here’s an added bonus: the OMM can be used to calm you when stress mounts. When you are aware of being stressed, OMM. To strengthen its effect as a calming tool, after the first breath, add a two or three-word calming mantra as you continue to slowly breathe in and out.  “Life goes on” works for some,   “Staying strong” for others, still others craft their own mantra.

Exercise two: Practice Gratitude.  Every time you say thank you , you are building your emotional fitness. Get in the habit of thanking not just people, but all the good things you encounter as you go about your day.  Moreover, when bad things happen, look for a lesson, and when you find it OMM and say “Thank You.”

Exercise three: Be With Beauty: Beauty is everywhere; as the sage Confucius  noted, “Everything has beauty, but not everyone sees it.”

One trick when beauty is not immediately visible is to narrow your focus. Find a picture in a museum unappealing? Focus on what you do find appealing. Perhaps that is a color, the way a line swirls or a form takes shape.

Surround yourself with what you find beautiful you can practice this exercise off and on throughout the day. Use pictures, beautiful music, flowers, seashells or even rocks to create beauty spots wherever you sit.

Point out beauty to your children.

Visit my Be With Beauty Pinterest Board. If you want to be a Be With Beauty photographer, let me know atemotfit@live.com and I will send you details about how to share your Being With Beauty pictures with others.

Exercise four: Remember what matters.

Some say buying the newest car, the latest fashions, the most up to date gadgets; others say how you look; still others think it is how smart you are or what school you went to, how much money you have, have many jewels you wear, or how fancy a car you drive and life’s important missions.  They are wrong.

Research shows these are less important than being kind and caring, forgiving others for their flaws, forgiving yourself for not being perfect, and working with others to make the world a better place.  The importance of caring is a long-recognized value. Across all ages, throughout all religions and all philosophies, it is believed the good life cannot be found unless it involves being caring and just.

Exercise five: Use rating scales to help you stay focused on what matters. Anything can be rated.

Exercise six: Set SMART GOALS:


Practice kindness by liking, commenting or sharing this post. Liking encourages others to read. Commenting says you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: me, you, and those who benefit from your sharing.



These links are for those not familiar with Emotional intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness. 





Think About Your Legacy

Bradberry quote

As grandparents who married late and may not be around as our three grandsons enter adulthood, we are creating legacy boxes, Something you might think of doing if you are a grandparent. And yes, a bit egocentric, but who does not want to be remembered and to pass a bit of  hard learned wisdom to our children, grandchildren, and perhaps great-grandchildren.   Sharing knowledge has been one of my life’s mission and a legacy box lets  me keep sharing.

What goes in a legacy box? Ours hold photos, childish letters, family history and genealogy, bits of jewelry, some wooden toys, a few my poster coaches, copies of my books, lots of other books, and  a personalized letter from each of us to our grandchildren.

An example, one of my favorite novels remains T.H. White’s Once and Future King. Many children’s stories about King Arthur have spun off from this as well as the musical Camelot and the movie Excalibur – another favorite of mine.  The book is a satire written as Hitler was coming to power and much loved by many people. Reading it as a teen changed my thoughts about life and people. I am hoping  my grandchildren will  think more critically if and when they read it.

Not a grandparent? Better yet. Being a parent focuses most people on hopes and dreams for their children. The life you live whether planned or not forms part of your legacy. The best way to control at least some of your legacy is to know your mission and to insure it focuses on what matters. As the sages and researchers make clear what matters is treating others as you want to be treated.

A warning, however.  A part of our inner child as well as all real live children want what they want and need help learning what matters. Children until the age of eight or nine, need to learn good manners, how to practice kindness and forgiveness, as well as how to deal with not getting what they want. Takes a bit of tough love and best when leavened with  soft love.

Then the process of letting go can begin so by their teens, children are ready to navigate the real world.

Not clear about missions and SMART goals?  Consider getting my ebook Know Your Mission So You Can Reach Your Goals. Costs less than a latte and every sale keeps me going.


Practice kindness by liking or sharing what  you find of value on the internet.  All who post crave recognition. A like says “Thank You.” Comments say you have read and thought about the post. Sharing is a gift to three people: the blogger, the people you share with, and you for your kindness blesses you. I know that when someone does this, it keeps me going.

Stay strong, it takes some effort for parenting is both pleasure and pain, effortless and a struggle.


Links of Interest

These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.

Disclaimer two: Take all advice even mine, carefully.  Don’t just listen to your heart, but also think; don’t just think, listen to your heart.  Heart and head working together increase the odds you will find useful advice amid all the promises and hopes pushed at you be others.  As others have noted, take what seems useful, leave the rest.

Disclaimer two: Forgive my grammatical errors

If  you need perfect posts, you will not find them  here;  I will understand if you don’t follow, like or share what  like me.  Not only am I dealing with an aging brain, but all of my life I have been plagued by dysgraphia–a learning disability,  Some of my posts might be peppered with bad spelling, poor punctuation, and worse words that make no sense.  If  you want to hang in with me, thank you; you are kind. If a post doesn’t make sense or bugs you too much, stop reading, I will understand.