Tag Archives: dpchallenge

STOP PLAN KEEPS KIDS SAFER

Thinking before acting is the Emotional Fitness aka Emotional Intelligence game plan. The first thing to think about is safety. This EFT Poster Coach says it all.

When to call 911

This is a reblog of Emotional Fitness’s Free 101 Course. Session Fifteen If you haven’t started the course at the beginning, do so now. Here is session one followed by the others. 

PARENTING TIP

Tip one:  When danger looms, kids need to STOP.  So here is another poster coach to help with that. It can be taught as soon as a child can talk a bit.

THE STOP PLAN

 

Also works when adults are acting like kids and stepping on your last nerve.

WHAT’S NEXT

Next focus will be on how to think clearly instead as your emotions dictate. Heart or head, intuition (gut) or brain.

POST INSPIRATION: DAILY PROMPT

I often use these prompts to spark my posts.  They work to improve  critical thinking which is the heart of emotional intelligence. Critical thinking is about thinking more deeply and ruling out some common thinking errors.

You can think about the prompts  as stated or use them to spark other thoughts which is what I usually do. If I put on my thinking cap the prompts can be related to Emotional Fitness. Here’s how I did that for this post.

DAILY PROMPT   The Spice of Success – If “failure is the condiment that gives success its flavor” (Truman Capote), how spicy do you like your success stories?

How this relates to emotional fitness and today’s post:  Success requires some risk.  Risk is a heady spice luring you into taking chances, rewarding you with the high of surviving, if you survive. The middle road works best.

MORE FREE  STUFF FROM EFTI

All the handouts and poster coaches for this course are being posted at the store so you can download them for free  (Handouts are in Black and White while Poster Coaches are in color.)

Some might not be up yet.  I am a Jill of all in this business, so some things take longer than others.  If a handout isn’t posted yet, you will find lots of other offerings including inspirational quotes or more EFTI exercises.

LINKS OF INTEREST

PRACTICE KINDNESS

Please rate this material. Doing so helps me ratings. This is what your stars will mean to me. No stars – Not helpful; One star – Reinforced my knowledge –  Two Stars; New information –  Three stars;  New useful information; Four stars – Very good; Five stars – Excellent.

Thank you and work at staying strong until next time,. I work hard to do the same as life is often difficult but staying strong lets me find the good.

Katherine

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When your kid throws down the gauntlet

A post about control – from the first temper tantrum until they leave home, your kids seeks control. The hardest battles for parents are those I call Gotcha Wars.
Teen rolling eyes at parents in a Gotcha War.WWW.THEAUSTRALIAN.COM.

Parenting thoughts

Fingers of blame and shame point regularly at parents.  Parent advisor do it, but so do your little angels. Whether it is a pre-schooler throwing a temper tantrum that makes you feel frustrated and out of control or a teen the blaming and shaming  the child wants you to march to her drummer.  That my friend is what I call  a Gotcha War.

Gotcha Wars  are  used by Good Kids to gain control of you and your feelings.   Their goal, consciously or unconsciously  is to make you act and look like an idiot, so they can feel righteous and  “Holier than thou.”

When you don’t react strongly enough to whatever provocation is hurled you way, your basically good kid starts pushing  other buttons to get you angry.  The older the  Gotcha Warrior the more likely he can push buttons  you didn’t know existed.

Quick mental health fact: The shrinks say extreme Gotcha Warriors suffer from a mental health disorder called  Oppositional Defiant Disorder. Supposedly a disorder of childhood only, I bet you know a few adults who meet the criteria. 

I have worked with children who have been labeled ODD.  They are the kids who you see being chased by a group of adults in various places mostly in school corridors or parking lots.  The kids have a look of glee on their faces and the adults ones of anger and frustration.

If you have not had all your buttons pushed by a Gotcha Warrior you have been blessed by all the benign forces of the universe.  Say a million and one “Thank you’s.”  Still most of you need a little help when a kid throws the gauntlet your way.

PARENTING ADVICE

  1. Keep cool.  EFTI’s Twelve Daily Emotional Fitness Exercises  promote calmness. Here’s is a link to a  free EFTI poster coach reminding you of ways to practice those exercises
  2. Have few rules; the more rules, the more opportunities for the child to argue.
  3. Rules that must be obeyed include: Those involving safety of people and property; those that involve obeying the law; those  involving the sanctity of your home.
  4. Have known consequences for violating these and other rules.   Most effective consequences are the lost of privileges.  Do not assign work, unless it is how the child gets back a privilege.
  5. Make certain the consequences  can be enforced without a fight.
  6. Use the TAG strategy when a rule is violated a rule. T = Tell the child the rule has been broken; A = Announce the consequence; G = Get on with your life.  Do not argue.
  7. Overdose the child on love, real praise and respect for what does properly.  Under all the fighting and struggle is a child who wants and needs praise to combat the feelings of powerlessness s/he feels.
  8. Build the child’s self-esteem.  Find something the child excels at and make that an important part of the child’s life.

STAY STRONG

Life as a parent is probably the hardest job in the world; count your blessings for every good moment you can savor.

This post was inspired by this Word Press  Daily Prompt: With you or with out you: Tell us about the time you threw down the gauntlet and drew the proverbial line in the sand by giving someone an ultimatum.

As suggested above life as a foster parent to teens in trouble with the law found me throwing down the gauntlet often and just as often having it thrown at me. Sometimes I had to send a child back to a lock-up; the kids often showed their power by running away.

As always thank you for all you do to support EFTI’s efforts to help others stay strong. Kindness is karma and comes back to bless you. Care and share.

Katherine

LINKS OF INTEREST

A GRANDPARENT’S LAUGH

Grandparents will probably enjoy this one  more than parents.

The Laughing Housewife posted a Longer version.  She got it from Will and Guy. I made it shorter. I wanted it to be a Pinterest Poster from Cranky Old Lady.

Parenting thoughts about grandparents

As Bill Crosby said, “A grandchild is God’s reward for raising a child.” Others have called it revenge.  I am grateful I can be a strong part of my grand children’s life, but I am equally grateful they are not mine to care for day after day, night after night. As a grandparent, here are some tips that play off the Cranky Old Lady’s poster.

Tip one: Be grateful if your children’s grandparents are around and helpful.

Tip two:  Occasionally listen to your children’s grandparents advice.  They might be over thirty, but that does not make them stupid, just as being under thirty does not necessarily make you a genius.

Tip three: Because they adore you and adore their grandchildren, you parents are the safest place for you to vent  unhappiness and anger.  Do so, but abide by the 1 to 5 rule.  Try to talk happy talk at least as often as you complain about any thing.  If your complaints are directed toward your parents, give kindness and appreciation at least twice as often as you criticise/

Tip four: Nurture your parents regularly.  The more they do for you the more you need to show your appreciation.

STAY STRONG

Parenting is difficult and often a struggle as you must know by now. You are doing the best you can, as did your parents. Too much blame is cast on parents for things they did or didn’t do. A part of staying emotionally strong is knowing  what you control and what you do not control, then doing the best you can.

If the best you can is exhausting you, robbing your, your parents’  and your children’s life of joy and happiness, seek professional help. You deserve the good life. Your children and parents need you to be happier.

Remember that liking, commenting, or sharing is an act of social media kindness. It strengthens you and helps me and others. Maybe this will help some one laugh.

As always, thank you for your support, it means a great deal to me.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA. If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. I have dysgraphia which means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are. Thanks for your understanding and reading my work.

FURTHER PARENT ADVICE CAN BE FOUND IN MY BOOKS

All my books are available on Amazon, and readable on any tablet, laptop, Mac, PC, e-reader or Kindle device.

When Good Kids Do Bad Things: A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers
Tame the Test Anxiety Monster
Parents Are People Too: An Emotional Fitness Training Program for Parents  How to Hold a Successful Family Meeting. 

A FEW LAUGHS, ENJOY

This one is for parents and computer nerds like me. Laughter keeps you emotionally fit. A parent who cannot laugh is a parent on the edge.

From High School Friend who helps me find laughter. Don’t know where he found this one, but it gave me a chuckle.

When you cannot laugh you may be in the midst of a life blow or beaten up by smaller blows.  Either way more is needed –  more support and possibly therapy. This post is for those not so beaten down and who can use laughter to stay emotionally fit.

PARENT ADVICE ON LAUGHTER

Most of these tips are to keep you laughing.  A few are to teach your children to laugh.

Tip one:  Find a daily laugh site.  My friend Jack’s email serves as one for me.  But there is also my blogging friend The Laughing Housewife and a number of others.  Surfing Pinterest quotes almost always finds me laughing.  As parents, David and I never went to bed without first watching Johnnie Carson.

Tip two:  Collect a few videos that get your rolling in the aisle.  Buddy Hackett for those of you too young to remember is one of my favorites. He is a bit X-rated, so don’t watch if easily offended by such stuff.  Here he is on Johnnie Carson. A two for one laugh..

Tip Three: Follow a comedian on Twitter.   I follow Steve Martin.

Tip Four: Practice laughing.  There is a Yogi Laughter Exercise.

Tip Five: For parents of fighting kids. Have them sit on special time out chairs, facing each other, but far enough away so cannot hit or kick.  They are to express their anger through angry faces.  When both are laughing, time out is up.

Tip Six:  Keep efforts to laugh kind.  I like Buddy Hackett because most of his jibs are against himself.

Tip Seven:  Remember what matters by taking the long view, be generous and kind.  Those who kill over cartoons or jokes are wrong, wrong, wrong.

Tip Eight: A joke offends you?  Shrug it off. Or offer a brief I message. “I perfer Martian jokes” is mine for those who make fun of other groups.

Tip Nine: Someone making fun of another person face-to-face say as gently as possible “I don’t find that funny.” Then change the subject to something pleasant.

Tip ten:  Parents take time each day to play with your child.  Playing should lead to laughter, if not it still builds emotional strength.  Get down on the floor with your pre-preschooler, declare a game night for older kids.  Have a joke night once a week at dinner.

Which reminds me of a  Bob Hope joke, “If you watch a game, it’s fun. If you play it, it’s recreation. If you work at it, it’s golf.”

STAY STRONG

Parenting is difficult and often a struggle as you must know by now. All sorts of feelings surface.  Some make you laugh right then and there.  Some you can laugh about after a bit of time has passed.  Some cannot be laughed about.  Try my tips to add laughter to your life and your child’s life.  Also visit my Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises for more hints about staying strong.

If there is no laughter in your home that is a sure sign more is needed. Get competent professional help.

Remember that liking, commenting, or sharing is an act of social media kindness.  It strengthens you and helps me and others.

As always, thank you for your support, it means a great deal to me.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIAIf you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. I have dysgraphia which means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are. Thanks for your understanding and reading my work.

FURTHER PARENT ADVICE CAN BE FOUND IN MY BOOKS

All my books are available on Amazon, and readable on any tablet, laptop, Mac, PC, e-reader or Kindle device.

When Good Kids Do Bad Things. A Survival Guide for Parents of Teenagers
Parents Are People Too. An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents
Tame the Test Anxiety Monster
How to Hold A Successful Family Meeting