Tag Archives: Anger management

STOP PUNISHING YOURSELF. TAKE A BREAK FROM ANGER.

A post about letting go of hate and anger. As the sages note staying angry, being full of hate is a hot coal that burns you more than those you hate. MLK TEMPLATE

PARENTing thoughts ABOUT anger

Despite all the talk of happy parents and happy kids, the truth is raising a child is more often frustrating, anger provoking than happy.  The Behaviorism experts believe anger stems from “the interruption of a response sequence.”

You want something and can’t get it. Just think of wanting a good night’s sleep while have to get up every three or four hours to feed a newborn.   Raising a child, particurlaly during the very early years means being constantly interrupted.

Even teens with their need to rebel interrupt your hopes you have been a good parent and guided them properly.  If you aren’t abusive, and most of us aren not, you have been more than a good enough parent. However, the path teens walk is not controlled by parents.  Society and peers take over guiding teens.  Usually, parental influence returns when the teen has truly matured.  Remember Mark Twain’s comment about how much his father learned in seven years – the years between Mark’s fourteenth and  twenty-first birthday.

Hatred is anger encased in ice and planted all too firmly into our brains and hearts.  Fortunately few of us learn to hate our children; but many of us do not know how to let go of anger.

PARENT ADVICE ABOUT LETTING GO OF ANGER

Tip one: Be realistic in your expectations.  “Blessed are they who expect nothing” said thePaul de Krief’s Microbe Hunters. A good mantra to hold to in terms of your needs when in charge of a young child.  In other words, expect to always be interrupted. I have to use the mantra “Not my time” when caring for the grands. Makes me grateful when I can sneak in a bit of doing what I want. 

Tip two:  Acknowledge your feelings, particularly the negative ones.  However, neither stuff long term or act on the urge to vent. Self-sooth instead.

Tip three: My One Minute Meditation is a quick and easy self-soothing exercise.  Take a long slow breath in, breathe out slowly, as you smile and say “Thank you” or “Ahhhh.” Then breathe normally and repeat a comforting mantra.  Mine has always been “Now is Not Forever.” Reminds me the bad will pass as will the good. Keeps me strong and enjoying what I can.

Tip four:  Go to my free guide to the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises. Learn and practice each exercise. They are easy to learn, easy to practice and helpful to anyone dealing with life’s stresses, every day angers.

ADDITIONAL STAYING  STRONG PARENTING ADVICE

I try not to make easy promises.  Letting go of anger is an ongoing process.  It has to be.  Why?  Because every day is filled with situations that frustrate and keep you from doing what you want.  So subscribe to my Staying Strong Emotional Fitness Blog for more guidance and support.

You might find my Emotional Fitness Training®’s Pinterest site helpful. Both of my blog posts are pinned there, but I also share lots of other people’s information about staying strong both as a parent and as an individual.

As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope  the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love

Finally, as always thank you for following me and for your support. Liking, commenting, and sharing are other ways you can help me and others stay strong. Moreover,  you will be practicing kindness one of the Daily 12 and strengthening your emotional fitness.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA.  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. Dysgraphia is a not well known learning disability and means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are.  If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere.  If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.

 

WHEN GOOD PARENTS GET ANGRY

Fellow blogger Jean Tracey posted a teaser  of my Parents Are People Too book on her blog.  Here is what she said.  I am grateful to her.  Return the favor and visit her blog. Character Building from KidsDiscuss.com.

Bigstock_Father_Son_Conflict_7146816

HERE IS WHAT Jean POSTED from my book

Learn Special Exercises To Tame Your Anger!

If you’re a dad and act like an angry bear at your whining kids, you must read this. Our parenting expert and author, Katherine Levine, is sharing an excerpt from her book, Parents Are People Too. She teaches a dad to use a scale to measure his temper from one to ten. A low score is good. Find out how he brought his temper down from the explode mode to one of serenity.

This Angry Dad’s True Story

A father once came to me asking for help. He was particularly concerned about the frequency with which he was blowing up at his nine-year-old son. He remembered his own father yelling at him, and the memory was not a good one.

Parenting Exercise: Practice, Practice, Practice

He had also already tried some relaxation exercises and so didn’t have a lot of faith in mine. He was an avid basketball player, however, and when I told him what I just told you, (practice, practice, practice) he acknowledged how important it was to practice, practice, practice.

As he told me, “Larry Bird practiced harder than anyone else on his team even after he became a star for the Boston Celtics. He’d be in the gym when the others went home, and he’d be there before the others showed up.”

This dad understood the importance of practicing. We worked together and designed a program just for him, which he practiced for ten minutes when he got up in the morning, after eating lunch, and at night before falling asleep. He practiced during every waste moment that came his way.

Instead of flipping channels during commercials, he practiced his self-soothing program. At boring meetings, he practiced. About four or five weeks after I started working with him, he came and reported the following:

How This Angry Dad Cooled Down

“Yesterday I came home tired and ready to kill. My kid met me at the door whining about how mean his sister was being. I said to myself, “Nothing has changed.”

Then I took a feeling temperature and I was at an eight, going on explode. Next, I took a deep breath, trying to get enough air to let him have it.

He’s too old to be running to Daddy, I thought. As I was breathing in, I found myself saying that stupid phrase you taught me to help slow down the growth of a negative feeling. “Breathing in,” then “Breathing out,” and then “Smiling.” And as I made that stupid little half-smile of yours, I knew I was going to take a time-out.

I just put my hand up, made a time-out sign, and walked straight to a comforting hot shower. By the time I had dried myself off and changed my clothes, my feeling temperature had dropped to a mere serene three.

What seemed like the end of the world had become just one of the annoying parts of being a dad-the price I pay for the good times. (From pages 77-79)

jean’s comments

I like how the angry father used Larry Bird’s consistent basketball practicing to practice the breathing techniques Katherine taught him. His use of her scale to measure his temper feelings was quite effective. Time out worked well for him too. Because of this story those of us who are mothers or fathers can profit by using the same exercises. Thank you, Katherine.

Thank you Jean.  Jean is a caring, sharing person and a giver of great advice.  If we were all so generous, our world would find peace.

 STAY STRONG

Parenting is hard work and anger is part of the mix.  One behaviorist calls anger “the interruption of a response sequence.” Fancy words meaning you are kept from doing something you want to do.  Learning that helped me understand some of my anger. Parents are constantly being interrupted, many cannot even find peace in the bathroom.  No wonder we get angry.

What I taught the father helped him.  My book E Book Parents Are People Too: An Emotional Fitness Program for parents details all the exercises I taught him. You can get a quick start building emotional fitness by checking out my Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises, my thank you gift for new comers to my blog.

You can also follow me on the When Good Kids Do Bad Things face book page. If you go there please take a moment to like it.

As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope  the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love.

Katherine

DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA.  If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. Dysgraphia is a not well-known learning disability and means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are.  If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere.  If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.