I am joining the Sandy Hook Banning Guns Debate. Banning guns will not end violence. Whether you agree or disagree, please read on.
PARENT ADVICE about the creating killers
First, let me say loud and clear: just as most of the mentally ill are not violent, neither are most Marines, ex-Marines, other soldiers, police officers, or hunters. Most people want peace. Most parents raise peace loving children.
The research on creating killers is not robust. No one really knows a proven way keep innocent babies from becoming killers. Where do I stand on the issue? I believe abusive parents are a small part of the problem, guns a bigger part, and the surrounding culture plays the biggest role.
I am a dog lover and while what I am going to say is not research based, I believe dog trainers know a great deal about how to turn a dog into a killer as well as the ins and outs of raising good dogs in general. Cpl. Pearson was on target with his list, but it was far from complete.
My husband is a Dog Whisperer. He owned a dog training business and trained guard dogs. None were killers, far from it. Still, he knows how killer dogs are created. How? Establish fear and resentment as you obedience trained. Control wants and needs; keep a little hungry or sexually frustrated, keep chained and locked up; ration rewards, punish often and abusively. When you want to the dog to kill, agitate him a bit and turn them loose on a target.
Dog trainers also know, some dogs are more aggressive then others. Genes play a part, but a small part. Mother dogs socialize their young to control aggression. Aggressive dogs removed too soon from their mother’s care tend to be more aggressive then those left with their Moms.
Genes also make the smaller, weaker dogs more fearful and submissive. However, even the smallest weakest dog will put up a vicious fight if hurt or threatened with attack and unable to escape.
The Marines do three other things to promote the killing instinct:
- Provide equalizing weapons so the weak feel stronger.
- Encourage a group mentality that promotes killing.
- Plant an ongoing fear based on the belief if you don’t kill, you will be killed.
Cultures, religions, and societies promote killing by:
- Allowing some to have an abundance of power, glory, and goods, while others cannot meet basic needs, live in fear; and are oppressed, physically abused, or emotionally starved.
- Promoting and creating in-groups.
- Demonizing, de-humanizing or labeling outsiders as damned while the in-group seen as in the right, righteous, saved, or beloved by God, the Father. This leads the outsiders to think, “I’m heading to hell, anyway. Why hold back on my avenging my anger.”
- Promoting conversion to the in-group; advertisers are in the conversion business as well as many religions.
- Promoting revenge and violence when personal, family, group honor has been injured. No one can dishonor you if you stay true to what matters which is sharing, caring, and kindness.
The list above leads to the following solutions:
- Making sure all have basic human needs survival needs are met. Water, food, shelter, physical care, and equal treatment in courts of law.
- Promoting tolerance and acceptance of all colors, race, creeds, religions including secularism and atheism.
- Making the only labels that matter “kind” or “cruel.”
- Stopping all efforts to convert others to a specific group or way of life. Advertisers are in the conversion business as are as many religions.
- Promoting sharing, caring, kindness, and forgiveness as the one true way to star in life.
- Stopping those who seek violent revenge for violations of personal, family, group honor.
Three additional solutions must also be pursued:
- Training all in anger management. conflict resolution, and self defense.
- Eliminating the death penalty while better identifying those who must remain sequestered or imprisoned for the safety of others. Those that must be kept separate to keep other’s safe must be treating humanely
- Regulating, controling, and working to eliminate all weapons of mass destruction.
ADDITIONAL STAYING STRONG PARENTING ADVICE
Ending violence will be hard, and perhaps impossible. However, the more each of us tries to support and live the solutions suggested above, the more likely violence can be reduced and the world made safer.
If you are worried that you child is an outsider among the majority of his peers, seek professional advice to help you and him deal with the negative feelings. Do remember that few kids who live on the outside of a peer group turn violent. At the same time, being an outsider, particularly if bullied or being bully, needs to be talked about and the child taught skills to deal with his negative feelings .
To help you stay emotionally strong while supporting your child, go to my free guide to the Daily Twelve Emotional Fitness Exercises. Once there you can subscribe to my Staying Strong Emotional Fitness Blog. The exercises are easy to learn, easy to practice and helpful to anyone dealing with life’s stresses and every day problems. Most can be taught to children as young as three.
You might find my Emotional Fitness Training®’s Pinterest site helpful. Both of my blog posts are pinned there, but I also share lots of other people’s information about staying strong both as a parent and as an individual.
As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love
Finally, as always thank you for following me and for your support. Liking, commenting, and sharing are other ways you can help me and others stay strong. Moreover, you will be practicing kindness one of the Daily 12 and strengthening your emotional fitness.
Additional posts related to mass killings:
- More Aikido and Fewer Guns introducing the practice of Aikido
- Letter to President Obama promoting more Aikido and Fewer Guns
- What if an in depth discussion of the Columbine killings
- THow the Israelis protect their children.
- Alternatives to Violence Project
Suggested reference: James Garbarino’s Lost Boys
DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA. If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. Dysgraphia is a not well known learning disability and means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are. If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere. If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.