Remember Wendy Whiner as played by Gilda Ratner on Saturday Night Live? We loved to laugh at her, but a whining child imakes us want to whine. What to do? Start with this poem and then read the article accompanying it.
Jean Tracy, MSS is one of my Parenting Gurus. She offers lots of free advice that is on target and presented with lots of tips for applying her advice. This article is one. Go here to read it. After reading the article, subscribe to her Free Newsletter and Receive 80 Fun Activities to Share with Your Kids
I really liked her suggestion in this article to discuss the whining at a time a child is not whining. She suggests starting that conversation by talking about a time you felt sorry for yourself and then talking about activities that have helped you. Finally she suggests teaching:
The Daydream Activity:
1. Tell her, “When you’re daydreaming and feeling sad, become aware of self-pity.”
2. Physically shake your head “No!” to the daydream.
3. Yell, “STOP” to the thoughts.
4. Come back the present. Notice your body and the things around you.
5. Reconnect with what’s happening now and focus on something good.
Advise her to use this activity as often as she needs
These Three Emotional Fitness Training tips enhance Jean Tracy’s Day Dream Activity.
The first: Teach your child what matters. And that starts with rating pain. When your toddler is crying uncontrollable after a bump and cannot even get up to come to you, go to the child pick her up offer comfort, and say “Big Pain”; when toddler is coming to you for comfort call the pain “Medium Pain”; when obviously a bit hurt but not needing comfort say ” Small Pain.” You can do this even before the child starts talking.
Talk directly to school aged and teen about what matters. For example, words that hurt create big pains, but physical hurts are usually worse.
Words that hurt often lead to what Albert Ellis calls “awfulizing” or making a mountain out of a mole hill. Whiners do this a lot. Better than whining about someone else’s hurtful words teach your child to rate the truth of the words, to look for a lesson, to ignore sch words when obviously spoken to bully or hurt.
The second tip: teach your child how to calm negative self talk with EFT’s Sloganeering. This builds on the Day Dream Activity.
Help your child develop some slogans and to use them when ever tempted to whine. Teach her to bring helpful slogans into play after the word “Poof” in the Day Dream Activity.
The third: Strengthen all your child’s Self Soothing Skills. Buy my eBook Self-soothing to Create Calm” now.
It costs less than an ice cream cone Not only will you help your child, but as you learn the exercises you will strengthen your emotional fitness.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Remember sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness is to share this post if you found it helpful. Share it even if it doesn’t speak to you, it will speak to some. Didn’t like it? Comment and tell me why and how to improve.
OTHER LINKS OF INTEREST
These links are for those not familiar with Emotional Intelligence or the idea of Emotional Fitness.
- Emotional Intelligence (en.wikipedia.org)
- The five components of emotional Intelligence (www.sonoma.edu)
- An Emotional Fitness Program for Parents (amazon.com)
- Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises.