Trying to keep your kids happy? Stop. Kids know how to be happy. What they need to learn is how to deal with suffering  and to move on without bitterness.

To get the good, you need to endure the pain

With all the emphasis on happiness circulating around those dispensing advice to parents, pain tolerance is neglected. Not good.  How do you build pain tolerance in your children? Here are six  parenting tips that will help.

Parenting tip one: Self-soothing is an essential skill when it comes to enduring life’s slings and arrows. Self-soothing skills can be taught at any age, but when teaching, remember age and stage. Infants need to learn the ABC’s of self’-soothing.  That is done by not rushing to comfort. Sleep is the best time to ignore cries for help. Most night-time criers will cry themselves to sleep or back to sleep and wake up happy and cheerful. 

Parenting tip two: Teach pain rating skills, start by teaching the child to rate  physical pains can begin as soon as the child learns to walk and talk. Applaud tumbles when the child gets up and goes on. But if the child cries rate the pain for the child. Here is a useful rating scale:

  • Immobilized by pain and cannot even come to you for comfort say, “Big, big pain.”
  • Rushes to you and has a hard time calming down, say, “Big Pain.”
  • Calms down easily once in your lap, say, “Middle-size Pain.”
  • Stops crying without coming to you  say, “Small Pain.”

As the pain decreases note “Pain getting smaller” and then “Pain  gone.”

Parenting tip three: When the child can talk fairly well teach Calming Breath .  See this Breathing Buddies link.  Add lots of other self soothing skills particularly Remember What Matters.  See the link to Creating Calm for more suggestions. 

Parenting tip four: By the time a child enters school, you can talk more about learning to understand and tolerate pain.   Use the Porcupine story  to teach  that  hurt is part of all relationships. As pain can lead to the desire to hurt others, it is also important to teach making amends and forgiveness. 

Parenting tip five: Teach teens the art of winning Gotcha Wars.  That means you need to learn that art. See the link for my book of the same name.

Parenting tip six: Get your child self-defense training. FTolearating pain and forgiving others  does not mean allowing abuse. Moreover, self-defense boosts self-confidence.  Take family lessons. Best resource for this:   Peace Jojos.

 As always you need to model what you teach. Bad news? Not really for by teaching these skills strengthens them.  As you teach your child, you will increase your ability to tolerate pain and add to your ability to enjoy the good.


Another way to survive the pricks of close relationships is to follow the Five in One Rule. That rule? For every prick there must be five kisses or the equivalent of kisses.   And as always abuse cannot be tolerated.

If you are new to the idea of emotional fitness exercises visit this blog page: Easy Emotional Fitness Exercises to get started  improving your emotional intelligence.

Thank you all for all you do to care and share with others. Doing a little matters a lot.




I use these prompt  ideas to think about what to write.  If I know what I am going to write, the prompts challenge me to see if what I wrote fits in with the prompt.

Here’s this post’s prompt. Third From the Top: Head to “Blogs I Follow” in the Reader. Scroll down to the third post in the list. Take the third sentence in the post, and work it into your own.

The laughs on the Daily Prompt for the third post was just a picture as for many bloggers it is Wordless Wednesdays and only pictures are posted.

I hadn’t heard of Wordless Wednesdays, but now I know and I will now declare some posts as  .  Not this one, but I did work a picture into it via a Poster Coach. Of course Poster Coaches are not wordless, but will  work for me, when I do not have time to post.



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