A parent? You need to laugh, first at yourself, then with your child, and sometimes at life. You also need to cry when crying helps. First some humor:
Laughing keeps all strong, but when you can’t laugh, it is a sure sign things are bad. Some talk about the “Day the music died,” but laugher dies it is also a clear sign of trauma or a life-blow.
For new parents such times run from the terrible – the baby is still-born or seriously handicapped to the smaller and quick recover times such as exhaustion has you by its teeth. One takes a lifetime to deal with; the other a good night’s sleep.
Knowing the difference between the everyday ups and downs of life and trauma of life blows is a major step in maintaining perspective. Albert Ellis, founder of Rational Emotive Therapy, speaks of the tendency of all humans to “Awfulize” Think of the teenager who has one zit, no one notices, but refuses to leave the house in fear his or her life will be ruined.
Embed in your brain, the capacity to sort out mundane hurt from life blows. Rating skills help. This poster coach shows how to rate anything. The more you can rate your bad, mad, or sad feelings, the less likely you will awfulize the trivial.
How to practice Emotional Fitness Training’s Rating Exercise: Every time you feel tempted to complain, rate the complaint: Trivial is one; Life Changing trauma is ten. Hurts but not for long is five.
TEACHING RATING SKILLS
Rating scales can be taught to a child as soon as he or she begins toddling. Rate the bumps and bruises that go along with learning to walk with one of these phases:
- Big hurt if the child is crying inconsolably.
- Smaller hurt for small weeping moments.
- Tiny hurt for when child complains but seems able to comfort self.
For the big hurts, keep saying “Big Hurt” as you comfort the child. For big and Smaller hurts when the child stops crying, smile, hug, and say “Good job.”
For tiny hurts, ignore or say “Tiny Hurt, well handled.”
By the time a child is beginning to read, you can help him or her make a personal feeling thermometer. Read this to learn How to Create a Personal Feeling Thermometer
As the teen years approach, have conversations about what matters with your child. Knowing what matters reduces pain. Family meetings are good for doing that. Don’t hold Family Meetings? Get my book How to Hold Successful Family Meetings. Well run family business meetings strengthen kids, give them important life skills and are stress reducing skills for all parents.
THANK YOU FOR ALL YOU DO
Remember’s sharing is caring and the easiest way to practice kindness now is to share this post with someone who will find it inspiring. Thank you.
LINKS OF INTEREST
- Albert Ellis (albertellis.org)
- Thinking about humor ( meor.org)
- Critical Thinking (en.wikipedia.org)
- Yes/and Thinking (bigthink.com)
Like any coach, EFTI’s poster coaches inspire, teach, motivate, and reinforce thinking about what matters. To use, print up in color and post there it will be seen often. Poster Coaches can also be used at Family Meetings to start a discussion about what matters.
Ha Ha Ha ; Tell us a joke! Knock-knock joke, long story with an unexpected punchline, great zinger — all jokes are welcome!
The post says it all.