“You can do anything you want if you just want it enough” saying cranked me up as a parent and continues to as I age.  Hogwash. Not #emotionalintelligence. Expectation is the root of all heatache.

No matter what the experts say, you cannot have it all.

Parenting advice

Children do best when helped to hold realistic expectations about themselves and about others.  That is one of the main sources of emotional intelligence. How to get your child  there? Here are three tips.

Parenting tip one:  Get you own expectations in order. New parents are always shocked by how fast the bubble of bliss breaks.  Then come the parents whose bubble of competence bursts when a kid turn on them when puberty sets in.  False expectations working.

Parenting is hard work and angst combined with laughs, play, and good times.  Moreover, all society promotes the idea that if a parent does it right all will be right. Hah. Humbug.  Parents do not control all. Live with a colicky baby or a teen in love with the baddest other kid in town and you know what I mean.

Parenting tip two: Assume responsibility for your own happiness. I am a parent watcher and mostly in my treks around town see stay-at-home parents.  Great when they are obviously happy with their lot. Not so hot when resentful.

Saw three mothers yesterday at the swimming pool. One was taking delight in her child’s playing; one was engrossed in her smart phone, but did look up fairly often and smile happily when her child came to her for something; the other was stretched out on a lounger with a towel  over her face, when it started to rain, her kids had to wake her up.  She got up grumpily. Lit a cigarette and gathered her posssessions without a word to her kids.

Maybe she was having sweet dreams, but she was sending a harmful message.   She needs to get happy. Minimally,  to do what the second woman does, but not to konk out.

And yes, I understand, maybe she  worked the night shift;  still, her face and her child’s face showed no warmth for each other and that is hurtful. Better to spend a little bit of happy time together and more time apart then being miserable most of the time together.

And maybe she was a hired care taker.  If that is the case, the unhappiness  worries me also.

Parenting tip three: Remember age and stage. Preschool aged children  live on feelings – a day-dream that feels good is as good as reality. School age kids have a better sense of reality. When adolescence approaches reality becomes clearer.  What to do?

At every stage label fantasy, “Nice, but not real.” Label dreams dreams by saying, “Work hard, and wish for the best.”

Comment  off and on once kids can read  that good happens, bad happens, some things go as planned, something don’t go as planned and part of being emotionally strong is learning to roll with what life gives you.

Parenting tip four:  Learn and teach your child how to get past the bad times and develop a strong protective armor particularly for smaller hurts. I was raised to ignore someone else’s nasty words if sent my way. Saved me a lot of angst.

Two of my eBooks focus  on these skills. Self-soothing and Missions and Goals.  Remember all my eBooks cost less than a latte and provide longer lasting nourishment for your emotional intelligence.

Parenting tip five: Develop a Daily Emotional Fitness Program and practice it with your child. Go here some of for  EFT’s Easy Exercises.  See this Free EFTI poster for some other exercises. 

!2 Easy Emotional Fitness Poster


Thank you for all you do, enjoy and be grateful for all you have been given, practice kindness, like, share or comment. Sharing is caring.



This post relates to this  DAILY PROMPT: 190 Days Later –Back on January 21st, we asked you to predict what day #211 would be like. Well, July 30th is that day — how have your predictions held up so far? If you didn’t reply to the prompt at the time, is this year turning out to be as you’d expected?

My answer, I try hard to keep my expectations realistic. Not easy and the fact is expecting a bit more than I can do stretches me; but expecting too much frustrates.  As I age, I tend to think I am younger than I am and do expect more than is reasonable. No exception in my hopes for this year. That said, I am still on track for some of my goals and hoping to have a bit of luck to meet the important ones.



  1. I am on track for this year so far. There have been bumps in the road but I’m still where I need to be at this point and time. But then my expectations are realistic. Love this post and your outlook on life.

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