Today’s blog post was inspired by this Daily Prompt: Childlike Explain your biggest regret — as though to a small child. “Sorry for hurts I didn’t mean; sorrier for the ones I did. You will understand more when you are all grown up. Right now, we need to laugh, play, and dance.”
One of the rules for a good relationship is to make sure the fun and good times outweigh the bad times. Dancing together is fun particularly with the small ones. Some teens can’t take dancing with parents or even seeing parents dance. Life will go on.
emotional fitness training’s parent advice and tips
All parents have regrets and all kids have been hurt and often in ways parents never knew. One emotional fitness tactic is to know the difference between abuse, neglect, and good enough parenting. Another is to repair the relationship when hurt is expressed.
Tip one: Abuse is easiest to define as creating physical pain that leaves marks. A spanking on a padded baby butt is not abuse. A slap on a hand that turns it red is. Sexual abuse is adult use of children for their sexual pleasure and need not involve intercourse. Imprisoning a child is also abuse.
Tip two: Neglect is failing to nurture or keep safe: always withholding love and affection; never praising; not getting a child medical care; not sending a child to school. Neglect is also failing to discipline properly so children respect the rights of others.
Tip three: The CARE Response repairs hurt relationships.
- C = Confront unacceptable behavior and sometimes this is done too loudly particularly when a child has stepped on your last nerve.
- A = Allying with the child’s feelings and if you are very angry, you need to calm yourself first, and perhaps take a time-out. If that is necessary say “We need to talk about this when I am calm, I love you and I need to think things through before we talk some more.”
- R = Reviewing what was unacceptable. Start by asking your child why he or she thinks you got angry. Amazing some of the answers you will hear. Be honest if you over reacted, but also state what was unacceptable about the child’s behavior. End the review only when the child can say what he or she did that was wrong.
- E = Ending on a positive note. Sometimes this means a hug, sometimes it means you apologizing for your part, often it can be a simple “I know you will do better next time” or if you over-reacted “I know we will both do better next time'” gives the gift of loving.
Parents need lots of emotional fitness and my eBook Parents Are People Too is an Emotional Fitness Program specifically designed for parents. It grew out of my experience foster parenting teens, but is also backed up by my professional knowledge as a therapist.
If you are parenting a teen, you might find my smaller eBook When Good Kids Get You in a Gottcha War helpful.
I always suggest plan Me-time, Family and Friend Time, and Quiet Time, daily and for longer weekend breaks. Helps keep a better balance when you have to discipline. You will be surprised at how the quality of your life and your children’s life will improve when you laugh and play together.
As always thank you for following me. If you know someone else who will benefit from my thoughts, share. Liking, commenting, and sharing are other ways you can help me stay strong and spread some ideas others might find helpful.
As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, live now, have lots of luck.
Articles and links of interest
- Abuse and neglect of children (helpguide.org)
- Pushover parents, pampered children (dailymail.co.uk)
- The Daily Prompt (dailypost.wordpress.com)
- Laugh and Play (pinterest.com)
- Take a Mini Vacation (emotionalfitnesstraining.com)
- Katherine Gordy Levine’s Author Page