Guess what? Anger is a normal human response to pain. We either run from pain or fight pain. If you haven’t made your child angry either someone else is doing the parenting or you are far too giving. A child’s anger is a teachable moment.
Beginning with Parent Effective Training, parents were taught to avoid displaying emotion and to act like therapists. Therapists do not judge behavior, do not criticize behavior, do not respond to what patients say or do with any display of feeling.
Our children are not patients. Parents are not therapists. Now here’s the kicker: this advice works with teens (see my eBook about surviving the teenage years); but applied to pre-teens, pre-schoolers, or even toddlers, it is not good parenting.
PARENTING TIPS ABOUT ANGER
Tip one: Never, ever give in to temper tantrums. Okay, that is impossible. Have the goal of dealing with temper tantrums properly, which means either ignoring them or punishing them with time out to calm down and think while sitting in a time out chair.
Tip two: Handle your angry moments at your child properly. Get angry, not abusive; calm down as soon as you can; let the child know exactly what made you angry; end the event with a clear expectation of better behavior.
Tip three: Use media anger, and other people’s expressions of anger, to teach anger management skills.
Worry less about getting angry and more about handling anger wisely. Life as a parent is full of frustration and other anger-provoking moments. We all do the best we can and the majority of us are more than good enough parents.
For all you do to share and care, thank you. You are making the world better for you and yours.
- Angry Apple store customer makes a scene; didn’t have an appointment; video of incident goes viral (boston.com)
- It’s OK for parents to get angry (parents-are-people-too.com)
- Why Are We So Angry: ( 38 years blog)