HUGS – THE GOOD, THE BAD, AND THE VIRTUAL

A blog about the importance of hugs, the ones that feel good, the ones that feel bad and the  the ones that do not involve actual contact. Hugs strengthen emotional fitness.

Picture of premature twin being hugged by his brother, This picture was taken over 17 years ago and the twins are now at least that old or older. Hugs matter.
This picture was taken over 17 years ago and the twins are now at least that old or older. Hugs matter.

A link to more about the value of hugs. This by blogger John A. Warnick.

The Five Second Hugging Practice – Seedlings.

A quote from the link:

Virginia Satir, a respected family therapist, has said “(w)e need four hugs a day for survival.  We need eight hugs for maintenance.  We need twelves hugs a day for growth.” And, research in a Korea orphanage demonstrated a significant boost in the health and growth of infant orphans who received an extra 15 minutes a day of physical touching.

parenting thoughts about hugs

I’m a hugger.  I don’t think there is a nicer gift in the world than a loving hug.  My kids are huggers, and so are my smallest grands.

However, hugs are not always a welcome gift.  One of my foster children taught me that hugs hurt some.  She was one who  burrowed into my heart; but the first time I spontaneously hugged her, it was like hugging a prickly ironing board.  She had been abused and hugs triggered memories of the abuse.

I became much more attuned to the need to ask permission.

At the opposite end of my hugging experiences are an ongoing quarrel I had with one of my bosses.  At a group function where some of the kids I worked with were coming to me for hugs, he chastized me for “violating boundaries.”   He eventually threatened to fire me.  Didn’t matter to him that the kids, particularly the small ones were rushing to me with open arms.  I ignored his threats.  Rejecting a child’s hug is rejecting the child.

PARENTING ADVICE ABOUT HUGS

Tip one: Face to face hugs when wanted by both parties build physical and emotional strength.

Tip two: Be sensitive to those  not able to hug freely. Most were abused or neglected as children.  The abused have their trauma retriggered; the neglected were probably not hugged and didn’t learn how they comforted.  A few are just super sensitive physically and hugs hurt.

Tip three: Don’t hug children without their permission. The younger the child the more he or she might be okay with hugs, but unwanted hugs feel bad  and are a boundry violation. At the same time when a child comes to you for a hug, refusing is hurtful.

Tip four: Give non-physical hugs. How? Sincere praise and compliments.

Tip five: As a social media person, give virtual hugs.

STAY STRONG

Asking for hugs when needed can strengthen both parties.  So I am asking you to send me some virtual hugs.  Hillel, a sage from long ago, said,  “If I am not for myself, who will be for me? And when I am for myself, what am ‘I’? And if not now, when?”

So, this will be a week of posts and reminders about me and my birthday  and book launch bash. .  Here is the agenda.

My 76th Birthday bash

This event is actually  a huge experiment on my part.  I am learning as I go. One thing I have been struggling with is how to keep the posts threaded.  Threading on Facebook is a way you can follow and comment on a specific post that interests you easily.  I particularly  want those people joining the Be With Beauty Contest to be able to post in one place.

Facebook is experimenting with threading and it appears now that only groups allow threading.  So I have established two groups. Be With Beauty and My 76th Birthday Bash and Book Launch.  I have invited a few of you, some who have said they will come to my bash and others I thought might come if there was an easier way.  Hoping this is an easier way.

One friend has already posted on the Be With Beauty Group.  It would help me see if this strategy works if any of you on Facebook would join that group and post a picture of Beauty. Nature pictures only; must be your own picture.

Finally, watch for a post about the launch of my Newsletter.  I know many of you would prefer fewer posts from me.  The Newsletter will accomplish that.

Thank all of you for supporting me in this experiment and all the other ways you support me.

Katherine

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