Where are you on the continuum when it comes to teens and sex? Particularly, your child and sex. Do either of the images represent your approach?
Most parents I have worked with take the middle of the road view as do I. I believe the earlier a child becomes fully sexually active, the more glass, nails, and other shards are scattered on their path to a satisfying and safe sex life. My goal has been to postpone a teen’s entry into full adult sexuality without tarnishing the joy and release intercourse was designed to provide. As we all know chastity belts have been outlawed and as the occasional honor killings demonstrate, this is an area parents can hope to influence but not control.
You need to tailor your own approach. The following tips should help.
Tip one: If you are not comfortable talking about sex, work to get there. You cannot positively influence your child if you cannot talk with relative comfort about sex.
Talking about sex is often difficult for those who have never found sex joyful. Hopefully, that is not you. If you have strongly negative feelings about sex, work to change them. The Joy of Sex by Alex Comfort has been revised and updated from the days I first read it. If you have read it or read it and still do not enjoy sex, you might want to talk to a sex therapist.
Tip two: Know your values and the values you want your child to hold.
Tip three: Surround your family and child with a like minded community with regards to sexual behavior.
Tip four: If you believe abstinence until marriage is the most important value to you, know that early marriage increases the odds in your favor.
Tip five: Tolerance of all practices that are between consenting adults also increases the odds your child will follow your beliefs if he or she can. If you condemn a specific sexual practice, and your child has the calling to that practice, you both lose.
Tip six: For more tips and specific advice read my E-book ‘When Good Kids Have Sex’.
Sex is a topic fraught with conflict and widely diverse ideas about what is good sex and what is bad sex. Some of you will not be happy with my advice. I understand your concerns. I think we all want the best for our children and hope you will think about my ideas. Feel free to comment and let me know yours.
MORE STAYING STRONG HELP
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You might find my Emotional Fitness Training’s Pinterest site helpful. Both of my blog posts are pinned there, but I also share lots of other information about staying strong both as a parent and as an individual. Take a peek by clicking here.
As I tell myself a thousand times a day, stay strong, give lots of love, be grateful, practice kindness, live now, give and seek forgiveness, and always hope the blessing of the forces beyond our control are with you and those you love.
DISCLAIMER: FORGIVE MY GRAMMATICAL ERRORS FOR I HAVE DYSGRAPHIA. If you need perfect posts, you will not find them here. I have dysgraphia which means that sometimes my sentence structure is not that easy to follow or I make other errors. Still, most people understand me. All of my books are professionally edited, but not all of my blog posts are. If this troubles you, feel free to read elsewhere. If you persevere, you are practicing kindness by lifting my spirits for that means you find what I say helpful and that is one of my missions. Kindness always repays those who spread it.